Back at the house, RevCam is talking to Sergeant Michaels. RevCam: "Do you know a Jeff Patterson? He's a private investigator. His son, Lee, told us he works with the Glenoak Police Department. The Sarge: "The police have detectives for detective work. We don't hire outside help. But I do know a Jeff Patterson. He doesn't work with the police, but he has been arrested by them." Hmm. Seems that Lee was lying about his old man. I wonder why. Maybe a commercial for Three To Tango will help me figure it out. Not. It won't.

We come back in Simon's room, where Ruthie is now bugging him. Ruthie: "There must be something I can do to get you to lend me the money." Simon: "Okay. If you can find someone to mow the lawn for me on Saturday, I'll consider lending you the money." Ruthie: "I'll be back." I think I'm going to cry.

In the kitchen, SuperMom is folding laundry (something new and different). RevCam strolls in points at the pile of clothes, and asks, "Matt's?" SuperMom: "How come kids always want to leave the house but their laundry wants to stay?" Lucy walks in, and SuperMom asks how the attendance office was, to which Lucy replies, "Fabulous, fun, fantastic!" Hmm. Looks like Mr. Wonderful's wily charms suited Lucy's fancy. How nice. Young love. Not. Ruthie comes in, and RevCam pitches his "allowance thing" again. Ruthie: "No way. I have a plan, and it's a lot easier than taking the trash out for the rest of my life." Oh, yeah. Trash can be rough. Not, you spoiled little demon-spawn! SuperMom: "She has a plan. Should we be concerned?" RevCam: "Not concerned. Afraid. Very afraid." Word. I'm very afraid.

Time for the big midterm. CheaterBoy sits down next to Matt, who says, "Move away from me!" CB2K: "Relax, Camden, I've made other plans." CheaterBoy2000 shares a look with the kid in front of him, and the test begins. Matt and Chickenhead look each other's way, and Professor Valentine says, "Face down, Mr. Camden!" Whatever. Next!

Cut to Mary, outside Cory's house. Mary approaches the little girl who is playing outside, and the girl says, "My name is Bernadette. What's yours?" Mary: "Mary." Cory comes out and tells Bernadette to go inside. After she does, Cory tells Mary that "Maggie wasn't lying. The rumors are true. And now that you've seen it, you can go." She turns to go inside, but Mary stops her. Mary asks how she hid her child for so many years, and Cory explains how hard it was. She couldn't have people over, she couldn't date. Cory: "But, you know what's harder than motherhood? Your friends talking and whispering behind your back. I'm graduating magna cum laude, I play on a championship basketball team, and I've been accepted to three Ivy League colleges. But now, all anyone cares about is that when I was fourteen, I had a baby." They cry and hug and sniffle as Mr. Stupidhead makes a mad dash for the bathroom so he can hurl.