Where, oh where, do I start with the train wreck that was this week's show? Let me just spin my homemade wheel of fortune, and see where it lands... And it's Annie, who is as up her own ass as ever in thinking her boss and her boss's husband are swingers. Seriously. I'm not kidding. After lots of leering looks, inappropriate comments, and invitations to backyard barbecues (gasp!), Annie takes it upon herself to make it clear she's not into old people threesomes. Turns out, her boss doesn't want her sex, just her eggs. Apparently, when you're ready to make babies and hard-up fertility-wise, even a hobo killer is a viable surrogacy candidate.
Meanwhile, the leering looks that everyone should be concerned about are those coming from Cannon. His voice haunts Naomi throughout the episode. During an interview about her vision of herself in 10 years, Naomi repeats verbatim from the documentary Cannon showed her before the rape her last Spring. Now the old bugger has turned his attentions toward Silver, who is still on the outs with Teddy, and is inadvertently courting Cannon's lecherous advances by accepting an invitation to his apartment to see the aforementioned documentary, which he claims never to have shown anyone. Once there, she instantly recognizes Cannon's words and realizes Naomi wasn't lying. She escapes Cannon's clutches and goes to Naomi, who has dulled the memories of her assault with an entire bottle of pills.
And then there were B-plots: Ausscar carries on with his plot to destroy Ivy's MILF by telling Dixon about Ivy's virginity (or lack thereof). Dixon feels betrayed, but Ivy reveals she lied because she has been afraid of opening up and being rejected since her father walked out on her and MILF. And AAdrianna finds herself on the brink of success when she sings one of the songs she stole from Navid Lite at the recently passed pop star's funeral. Unfortunately for her, the guy who has a recording of NL singing the very same song months prior has other plans in mind.
Previously: AAdrianna stole songs from her pop star approximation of Navid. Dixon borrowed Ivy for a moment, even though she's clearly been in love with her childhood friend Ausscar for some time. And Naomi begged her friends to believe that Cannon actually raped her -- a hard road to travel considering her prior past of lying through her teeth about pretty much anything and everything.
We open on Naomi, who is unable to sleep as she flashes back to her rape. As Cannon's documentary says, "No animal is as brutal as the Homo sapien." Next, we see some horrifying girl evocative of Edwina Rogers as she interviews various West Bev seniors about where they see themselves in 10 years. Annie thinks she'll be a serious theater actress. Dixon plans to DJ. Silver will move to Manhattan where serious journalists live (God forbid they live in Brooklyn). Ivy expects to be in some surfer hub like Maui or Bali. Liam can't think about 10 days from now, so forget 10 years down the road. And then we get a montage of all the tokens: Ausscar, a gay choreographer-to-be, an Asian girl, a black guy, a Latin beauty, etc. It's really reductive, frankly. And the sad part is that these writers thought that by making the dialog cut from one person to the next, supposedly seamlessly, they were being really inclusive and clever. About as clever as a Benetton ad. Edwina Rogers Jr. and Silver wrap up their interview just as Silver is waxing poetic about her Pulitzer Prize to come. As Silver heads out, Naomi enters. It's awkward. Naomi begins her interview with about as much enthusiasm as I myself would be able to muster for such a BS enterprise, unaided by ERJ's under-her-breath snark that Naomi is doomed to peak in high school. She does notice that Naomi looks tired, though. Life-shattering trauma will do that to a girl.
Out in the hallway, Ivy is skateboarding through school. Seriously? She runs into Ausscar, who tells her he had a great time talking to her the other night. Yes, that time when he divulged how traumatically and prematurely he lost his virginity. Good times! He tells her that he's secured tickets to a benefit at Kelly Slater's house, but they conflict with plans she has with Dixon. He wonders why she's still keeping dates with Dixon after he took body shots off of another girl (that Ausscar paid to set Dixon up), so Ivy compares Dixon to a puppy that pees on things -- you're upset, but you have to forgive him because he doesn't mean to screw up. Ivy immediately recognizes how insulting and patronizing she just was and asks Ausscar not to tell Dixon what she said. Which means he absolutely will at the very moment he deems most advantageous. Ivy picks back up her skateboard and continues being a world-class jackhole. Ausscar, likewise, just more pouty.