Beach club. Jen chews out her assistant for bungling the "Rich Girls Gone Wild" slideshow, as if that had anything to do with the lawyer's decision. She sends her off in shame, at which point Matthews walks in and demands she signs paternity papers. She refuses, so he says he won't leave until she signs. She crumples into a chair and starts moaning from pain. He asks if she might be having contractions, but she says she can't be going into labor because she's not due for another two months.
They head to the hospital where Matthews joyfully gets his first glimpse of his daughter. Jen squashes his buzz by hitting the bitch switch the minute she finds out she's not in labor. She says she's ready to get out of the hospital and back to work (or whatever it is she does all day). The nurse tells her that won't be possible. The placenta has separated from her uterus, and bed rest from here onward is the only way she can ensure the health of the baby. Jen dismisses Matthews after a crabby attempt at thanking him for the emergency ride to the hospital, then glues her eyes to her Blackberry. He gets the clue and trudges off like a hipster version of Paul Giamatti.
West Bev. Liam finds Queen Bee Naomi passing out invitations to her Super Sweet 18. He asks her if they can be friends now and if she's over him yet. Really, he just wants to make sure he has clearance to date someone new, even if it's a friend of her. She immediately deduces that he's talking about Annie and makes a grand display of dragging him across the cafeteria to announce to both of them that they can "do it right in front of" her. She gets distracted by something shiny and flits off, leaving Liam to ask Annie on a proper date.
Back at the hospital, Jen issues orders to her assistant from the hospital bed. When the assistant sees what a tall order keeping Jen "calm and placated" will be, she up and quits. Awesome.
Meanwhile, Dixon introduces Ausscar to Navid and Teddy at a sports bar. Apparently Navid thinks the first duty of a true friend is doing a horrible faux-stralian accent. His one-man show is interrupted when Teddy gets a text telling him he's been ranked number one in California tennis. A ranking that means nothing now that he's sidelined for the foreseeable future. He drowns his sorrows in beer.
Somewhere downtown, Naomi and AAdrianna drive around picking up supplies for Naomi's party. As AAdrianna debates the merits of Naomi getting Warhol-style silk screen printed T-shirts for her guests, Naomi spies Cannon down the road leering at teenage girls. She loses control and puts the pedal to the medal en route for Cannon. He jumps out of the way just in time, and Naomi drives away blaming the incident on the jumpy accelerator in her new car.
Back at the bar, Ausscar and the boys find themselves smack in the middle of a bachelorette party. Ausscar signs the BTB's ass, then she takes a body shot off of Dixon's pleasure trail. Photographic evidence is collected, and Ausscar files the incident away so he can pull it out and tattle to Ivy at an opportune moment.