Elsewhere, Liam takes Annie to the harbor for their official date. They smooch and gloat about finally getting to kiss each other whenever and wherever they want. Just as Annie's taking off her jacket, some guys shouts, "What the Hell are you doing on my boat?" He climbs aboard and scuffles around with Liam until both those little hooligans break free. They flee as the guy yells out that he's going to call the police. Would it be too much to ask that they collect finger prints and send parolee Annie to the Big House for good?
Naomi's party kicks up. And there are pictures of her everywhere. It's an orgy of narcissism! She descends on a pink hula hoop like a bargain bin Satine and announces that Adrian Grenier's band, The Honey Brothers, will be performing and that AG has the dubious distinction of getting the first crack at her after the party. The Honey Brothers offer up their Rusted Root-tinged, mandolin-heavy fare, which is totally out of place at this party. The guys arrive, wolfing down mints to try to cover up their beer breath. Ivy storms out to inform Dixon that his body shot shenanigans have popped up on Facebook. She marches off in one of Blossom Russo's dresses, and Ausscar pulls Dixon back saying she just needs some time to cool off. Or some time for him to move in like a rabid reef shark.
Back at the harbor, Annie and Liam watch fearfully as the cops pass with their flashlights. Once they're safe (damn!), Liam gives Annie props for her evasion tactics. She's in no mood for joking, and chews him out for lying that he was boat-sitting. Liam's still high on adrenaline and doesn't realize the greater impact an arrest might have on Annie's record. He apologizes, but she says she doesn't need another guy with a dark side and an appetite for trouble. She says it won't work between them and walks away.
Party. Princess Naomi spits in the faces of students with counterfeit invites and generally acts like a royal pain in the ass. One girl reminds Naomi that she gave her cab fare after the party the other night, and Naomi returns the $20 before swatting her off into the night. Silver sees all of this and calls Naomi out for lying that she didn't remember anything from the party. She echoes Cannon, calling Naomi a pathetic liar.
Annie finally makes it to the party, where she meets up with the Coffee Cutie from earlier. They walk inside, where Silver finds Teddy to tell him that Naomi was lying. Too bad for him, she recognizes his cologne (Eau de Frat Bar) and asks if he's been drinking. He covers that the other guys were drinking, but he wasn't. She nearly forgives him until she goes in for a kiss, smells the beer on his breath, and realizes he's a liar, too. He tries to justify his lie, saying he didn't want to dredge up her memories of Jackie again. She reminds him that alcoholics are bald-faced liars. Now he's one, too.
Over at the bar, Annie and her Coffee Cutie bond as they quietly judge all the nitwits at the party. Well, CC judges, Annie just kind of blends and tries to sound clever every once in a while. It's a losing battle, girlie. AAdrianna saves Annie a world of embarrassment by interrupting to update her on Naomi and Silver's fallout.
West Bev. Silver finds Cannon in the edit room to take him up on his invitation. He sees that she's upset, so she spills about the drama with Naomi and Teddy. Cannon lures her in with his British-inflected pearls of wisdom and his strategic reiteration of her comments from earlier, all the while slithering in the suggestion that she should dump her best friend (who, admittedly, sucks) and her boyfriend (who sucks, too). Silver staggers ever near his trap.
Back at the party, Annie and AAdrianna confront Naomi for her recent misdeeds. They ask why she's acting so off, so she deflects by reminding AAdrianna that she was "a drug addict who got knocked up" and telling Annie, "Stop acting like Pollyanna. You frickin' killed a guy." Awesome. I want that shit on a shirt. They tell her to fuck off right around the time everyone starts singing "Happy Birthday." As the oblivious revelers cart out Naomi's cake (with a picture of her face on it, like everything else at the party), AAdrianna lets it slip that Silver's left to meet up with Cannon. Naomi freaks out and splits, leaving her sparkling cake and 100 closest acquaintances in the dust.
Hospital. Matthews returns for his balls and finds Jen steeping in her own haggery. Her personal assistant quit, then exacted her sweet vengeance by talking enough shit that no one else would work for Jen. She rues the miserable state of her life and that she can't even get Naomi to help her now that she's lost control of the trust fund. Matthews offers to help her, as long as she signs his paternity papers. She reluctantly agrees, then he announces he's moving in with her for the good of the baby, and she has no choice. He sappily gloats about how they're two mature parents (ha) making responsible decisions (double ha). Jen stifles her urge to hurl. As do I, madam. As do I.
Party. Ivy's MILF calls AAdrianna to congratulate her on her amazing new material. She invites her to sing her stuff at Navid Lite's memorial. Awkward!
West Bev. Silver ignores a text from Naomi. Cannon takes the opportunity to lie his pants off that Naomi became obsessively infatuated with him after she recanted her sexual harassment accusations. To be continued...
Ivy's. Ausscar zeroes in on Ivy's broken-hearted vulnerability. He makes a ploy of apologizing for Dixon's drunken antics, segueing to the tragedy of his childhood with a drunken father. He woefully claims he grew up too fast. Ivy says she was just the opposite, admitting with some embarrassment that she's still a virgin. Ausscar shares (disingenuously, no doubt) his own regret for dropping his V-Card too quickly, making himself seem sensitive and sage in Ivy's dim little world. They both lean in for a kiss, but he stops short at precisely the right moment to leave her wanting more.
West Bev. Naomi storms into the lab to talk to Silver. It takes some convincing, but Silver steps outside to humor Naomi's supposed delusions. She throws Cannon's cock-and-bullshit story in Naomi's face about her infatuation and his rejection, adding the part about how Naomi tried to mow Cannon down earlier that day. Naomi sputters and stutters, unable to get out the truth through Silver's stream of insults and misinformed judgments. She finally spits it out, but Silver's too far gone and Naomi's cried wolf too many times. Silver disgustedly returns to the clutches of a rapist.
Meanwhile, Ausscar rendezvous with the bachelorettes from earlier and pays them for their convincing and incriminating performance earlier that evening. Elsewhere, Coffee Cutie waits in a parking lot for someone. Not Annie, it turns out. Instead, he is approached by Liam, who tells him to stay the Hell away. As he walks off, Coffee Cutie shouts behind him, "We can fix this! We're brothers!"
West Bev. Cannon leeringly watches an endless loop of the footage he caught earlier of Silver telling him how great and smart and kind he is. Obsessive much? Talking about the crackpot calling the kettle black.
Next week: AAdrianna's got a deadly virus! Wait, what's that? She's gone viral with a dead man's song? Oh...