Naomi employs many levels of hussy to win over Max, West Bev's resident hottie in nerd's clothing. Amateur hour includes a sexy schoolgirl routine. Intermediate level equals sexy flasher in a Burberry trench. Alas, it's all to no avail when Max tells her that her physical allure is an insufficient cover for her shallow, wretched soul. So Naomi gets next-level on his ass, slathering blue body paint all over herself for what she believes will be a costume party and screening of Avatar. Except, when she arrives at the theater, she's the only girl in the room with a creepy connect-o-tail. Max's friends mock her mercilessly, sending Naomi's cheeks to a deep shade of purple. She storms out, and Max follows. He cops to being just as judgmental and cruel as she and admits he's flattered she went to these lengths to impress him. She says she likes him for realsies, and they decide to begin an inter-clique affair on the DL, starting with a smokin' hot make out session. How do you say "lady boner" in Na'vi?
After last week's little game of show-and-tell, Liam plays right into Scuzzin' Emily's hand by telling Annie they should take a break, so Scuzzin' swoops in and invites Liam for a coffee date to "talk" through his broken heart on the very night that Annie extends the olive branch. After Liam and Emily's date, she invites him inside because the rest of the Wilsons are at a movie, and she wants to ravage him. He says with some surprise that she's not the innocent bumpkin all the others think she is. Angered that others are talking trash about her, Emily goes down the list of each of Annie's friends as she walks inside, listing her various grievances. After she finishes, the lights turn on to reveal Annie has thrown a surprise birthday party for Emily and invited all her so-called friends. Served! And by Liam and Annie, no less. It's a shame so ineffable that Emily decides living with her grandmother in Arkansas is a more appealing fate than staying in the Bev Niner.
Also buying a one-way ticket on the Bitter Bitch Express is AAdrianna. She decides to shame the hell out of Silver by claiming she found evidence that long-lost Lilah was the girl with whom Navid cheated. When AAdrianna threatens to text a picture of Lilah showering to everyone at West Bev, Silver finally comes clean. Unfortunately, she also got clean in the girls locker room earlier that day, and AAdrianna still exacts her harsh revenge by texting a nudie pic of Silver to the entire student population anyway. Meh, nothing they haven't seen before.
Navid is so confident in Shirazi Studios' prospects that he hires Dixon on full-time. While out detailing Navid's Ferrari, Dixon runs into Snoop Dogg. Despite an embarrassing display of fanboy giddiness, Snoop invites to take a ride down the PCH and vibe out to his new single. All the head-bobbing distracts Dixon, which forces Navid to drive a potential client around town in Debbie's crap wagon. Would you believe the client's not impressed? Dixon prances home ecstatic about his afternoon only to get his ass handed to him by Navid. The upshot is that Dixon convinced Snoop to shoot a video at Shirazi Studios. The downside is that he and Navid kind of hate each other now.
Speaking of potheads, Ivy manages to blow the minds of both Drunky McDrunkleson Matthews (he still exists!) and her new stoner boyfriend Raj by being a weed-addicted junkie. When she erases a concerned voicemail Matthews left for MILF, Raj lectures her for being out of control, and they get into a huge fight. She tracks him down to make amends, and Raj reveals he doesn't smoke dope for recreation but lights up to relieve the pain of chemotherapy treatments for his terminal leukemia. Well there went my buzz.
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Previously: Scuzzin' Emily slowly but surely insinuated her Single White Female self into Annie's life and succeeded in pushing Annie over the edge, Lifetime movie styles. Ivy joined the cast of Reefer Madness. And AAdrianna set her sights on the Girl with the Hurl Earring, a.k.a. that cheating bitch, Silver.
We open with a scene from The Importance of Being Earnest starring Scuzzin' Emily in a bit of ironic casting. Emily takes her bow, and the ladies of West Bev meet her backstage. Only after Naomi switches the bouquet they bought Emily for a bigger one, of course. I sort of suspect that Emily bought all these flowers for herself. Anyone with me? At any rate, while they're waiting for Emily, Silver giggles when she gets a text from Navid telling her to get her "sweet ass" over to where he is. AAdrianna eyes her suspiciously and asks if she can borrow Silver's phone for a minute. Silver lies that her battery just died. Too bad! Emily comes squealing into the room. They all shower her with praise, and Naomi takes the occasion to fib that she convinced Silver that the flowers they "bought" for Emily weren't too showy. As they chat about Emily's Broadway aspirations, her co-star comes into the room to congratulate Emily on a great show. The minute she leaves the room, Emily slams the door and bitches that she's always stepping on her lines. The girls wonder at this new side of Emily but brush it off as they make plans for the night.
The next morning, Naomi invites Silver over to study, i.e. dance around and eat cookies before Naomi copies Silver's homework. As they talk, Naomi and nerdy Max pass each other awkwardly. They run into Annie, who has come back from her three-day suspension with her tail between her legs. They make awkward conversation until Annie admits that she's humiliated that she acted so crazy. They half-heartedly comfort her, and Annie says she's learned her lesson and wants to put the recent ugliness behind her. Silver optimistically suggests that Annie could plan a birthday party for Emily as a means of burying the hatchet. Annie is keen on this idea, so all is once again right in their shallow little world.
Meanwhile, the specter of Matthews has returned to force the children to write sonnets and read them to one another. Ol' saucer eyes Ivy loopily giggles at the dragon she's drawn on her paper, catching Matthews' attention. Just as she begins her def poetry jam, we're saved by the bell. Matthews intercepts her scurrying out and asks why she hasn't turned in her Chaucer paper that was due a week before. She promises to get it to him, plus the sonnet the she was supposed to write in class. Don't hold your breath, Matthews. Human hot boxes are no good.