No one sleeps this week, though I'm not sure why. It's not finals. They just think their lives are that important, I guess. Self-deluded as always! At least they're consistent. On the upside, when no one sleeps, shit actually happens. It's quite refreshing.
The school's spring production of Antony and Cleopatra is afoot. Annie wants to audition for Cleopatra. Kill me now. She also convinces Ethan, who is a terrible actor to try out for Antony, but Ty (remember him?) shows up to give Ethan some stiff competition. Pun intended, courtesy of Ty's smarmy attempts at hitting on Annie. Also? Methinks I see the beginning of a pornstache. Eventually, when Annie doesn't get her way re: the play, she's a total brat. For his part, Ethan lands the role of the play's token eunuch -- a telling selection. A pep talk from Harry and Debbie sets Annie straight. She calls Ethan, but, in doing so, inadvertently sets the wheels turning for him to get in a horrible car accident. Or so it seems…
AAdrianna also wants the part of Cleopatra. So help me God, if this show finds a way to put "Mama Who Bore Me (Reprise)" into Shakespeare… So the little junkie goes to great lengths -- staying up all night, drinking tons of coffee, etc. Naomi calls in Kelly for an intervention and is, out of nowhere, all about AAdrianna getting an abortion. I guess she wants someone else besides her to have emotional problems. And Naomi has them a-plenty when her father returns, as big a dickhead as ever, and tosses her out of the Compound, thereby forcing her into his beachside love shack. Adding to that, Naomi stops by the Clark Compound one day to re-learn that age-old adage: Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's right. Papa Clark is still on the prowl.
But back to AAdrianna's emotional problems! An almost-car wreck results in an emotional catharsis, but her mellow is harshed when she hits up the abortion clinic and finds out that she is too far along to be pro-choice. She ends up using her raw emotions to wow the new drama teacher and score the part of Cleopatra. To be fair, she does have more relevant life experience as a hyper-sexualized, suicidal mess with blunt-banged bob. The bad news is that she has to play opposite Ty. And guess what! He's the bastard's father. Scandal!
Matthews returns in full-on Pariah mode. It does not suit him. He ignores the hell out of Kelly and takes a hit out on Silver for bashing him on her blog. Silver tries to make it up to him, but her pleas fall on deaf ears. Kelly stages a second intervention, and Ryan pours out his heart, crying that all his blood, sweat, and educational tears have amounted to nothing! Wah wahhhhhhh. After Kelly's talkin' to, though, Matthews briefly realizes he's a whiny bitch and makes nice with Silver. He also makes nice with the new drama teacher. I'm starting to think Matthews is a sex addict.
Dixon and Silver continue to silently hate each other. Debbie tells him to be direct so that Silver will take her head out of her ass. And, bless his heart, he actually attempts this approach, but Silver is, as is the norm these past few episodes, too self-obsessed and self-important for him to get a word in edgewise. He finally shuts her up for a second to tell her not to let the door her ass on the way out of their relationship. Yep, West Bev's awesomest couple is now kaput. Lame move, show. Very lame.
See how the new cast compares to the old West Beverly crew. Come back on Thursday for the full weecap.
Previously: There was this teacher named Matthews. Does anybody still care? There was also this drama heartthrob named Ty. See above. Dixon told Silver he loved her and did not get the desired response. AAdrianna had loads of junkie sex and got the expected (though not desired) First Response.
West Bev. Students hang banners for Antony & Cleopatra. Harry welcomes the much-maligned Mr. Matthews back with open arms, even finagling him a trip to Berkeley -- most likely as a pittance for forcing Matthews to take the fall to advance Harry's undercover agenda. Matthews flatly refuses, admitting that he might not be teaching much longer. You see, during Matthews' soul-searching journey to South Dakota, he saw things no man should ever see, did things no man should ever do. He's no longer the naïve young pup he once was. Grossly overestimating his own skill and talent as a teacher, Matthews proclaims his Dead Poets Society days are over, then basically tells Harry he's phoning it in for the rest of the year. Smart thing to tell your boss, asshat. Harry encourages him to tough it out.
And speaking of naïve young pups, as Harry leaves, Kelly trots up to Matthews like a puppy desperate for petting. She tries in vain to revive their rapport, but he is total douche -- to her... and, I suppose, in general.
Elsewhere, Ethan and Dixon stroll down the hall and talk about the play. Ethan asks if Dixon will run the lights board. Dixon unenthusiastically says that Silver is stage managing. Ethan asks how that's going, and Dixon admits they're "pretending" not to hate each other. Dixon doesn't want to talk about it, so he sends Ethan over to chat with Miss Teen Drama 2008, a.k.a. Wendla Bergmann (understudy) a.k.a. Annie.
Annie greets Ethan with a line from Antony & Cleopatra about laying her crown at Caesar's feet. There's a joke in there, but Annie's reading is too monotone and machine gun-like for me to eek it out. Ethan couldn't care less (and I'm beginning to suspect a bit of that comes from Dustin Milligan knowing this show sucks, regardless of how much pizzazz he puts into his own line readings). But Annie's (and Shenae's, for that matter) head is too far up her ass to notice, so she just gushes about how romantic and poetic, yadda yadda, the role is. It's her been her lifelong dream (all 16 years!) to play Cleopatra, and she thinks the part is as good as hers. On the upside, she side notes that Tabitha was once up for the film role of Cleopatra, but that "violet-eyed hussy" Elizabeth Taylor stole her part. Love you, Tabby! You make scenes better even when you're not in them!