Faith, infidelity and freaks are where it's at this episode. Silver finds some of the latter after Teddy tests her beyond reason, IMO. Silver begins the episode doing penance for her little spy game last week. Teddy gives her another chance but seizes the opportunity to push her buttons when a girl from his past shows up for a wild night. Silver wonders why he would work so hard to get her and then throw it away over a mistake (that it's only by luck on his part he didn't make first, I might mention). Teddy realizes it was actually himself he was testing, because he fears he will end up like his philandering actor father. Silver trusts that he won't, and they decide to make a go of it. For real this time.
Speaking of philandering fathers, Liam sees his stepdad steppin' out on his mom. He confronts the old letch in front of his mother, and it barely makes a dent. He decamps to Naomi's house, and they seem pretty comfortable in their domestic bliss for the mo'. But it won't last long as Naomi has started the wheels spinning on what is perhaps the stupidest story arc in show history -- and there are many to choose from. Basically she's a massive hag to the new Blaze adviser. Having none of it, he shows her the door. As Naomi is both A.) unused to being told 'no' and B.) very accustomed to scheming, she fibs that he sexually harassed her. She manages to stage a union rally (I know, don't get me started) that achieves her reinstatement and renders her earlier lie unnecessary, but it's too late. The lie has gotten traction, and the only way she's going to wriggle out of it is to tell the truth or ruin a man's life. I wouldn't put it past her to choose the latter.
Dixon's bio-mom Dana is still in town. March Madness, and the online gambling winnings it's providing, are bringing them closer together. Debbie continues feeling threatened by their rekindled bond and under-appreciated by oblivious Harry. Things hit a bump when Dana reminds Dixon that she is a real person with a real job and has to go home. But what would seem to benefit Debbie actually bites her in the ass because Dixon ditches Dana on their last mother-son bonding outing, and Dana catches a glimpse of Debbie having her own boning... er... I mean bonding outing with her sexy yoga instructor. When SexYoga guy misreads Debbie's signals (or does he?) and leans in for a kiss, Dana gets an eyeful. Debbie tries to explain later that she didn't reciprocate, but there's a time bomb a-tickin' in there somewhere. And yet another with the huge wad of bills Dana leaves Dixon with, which will inevitably plunge him into the unseemly world of online gambling, knowing that dummy.
And how could I dare talk about ticking time bombs without mentioning Jasper? It seems his clock is finally hitting zero (fingers crossed!). Annie shakes him off her leg for the last time. But where does he fall? We'll have to wait for next week on that one, because the last shot shows Jasper very literally staring into the abyss after telling Annie that life without her isn't worth living. Oh, how I wish the show would give me the chance to come to that conclusion!
And, saving the vest for last, let's talk about RuWill. AAdrianna has a mini-freakout after the flame-haired lesbian's eleventh-hour confession last week and spends a little while avoiding her until she realizes she has no real friends. RuWill's attempt to put the crush behind them only serves to pique AAdrianna's interest. Titillated by Clark Gable's lady face and her innocent hands-touching-in-the-popcorn during one of their movie dates, AAdrianna decides she may just be up for a little lady lovin'. With the support of Naomi and Silver, who are honestly probably just urging her because they're bored, she plants one somewhere north of the infamous chin. It's not an unpleasant sensation, so the girls decide to start dating. Reader, Gaydrianna; Gaydrianna, readers. You've been formally introduced.
Previously: Silver + Teddy = not meant to be. Dixon + bio-mom = major tension. Debbie + yoga instructor = sexy times? Jasper + motor vehicles = grand theft auto. AAdrianna + RuWill = a layover in Gayville.
It's morning at West Bev, and Naomi and Liam are going at it like animals, forcing everyone to lose their breakfasts and one unfortunate to lose his parking spot temporarily. Elsewhere, Jasper is trying to convince Annie that larceny = love. She tells him to leave her alone already. Silver and Naomi skitter late into the Blaze meeting as Navid introduces their new faculty advisor, Mr. Cannon -- guess they gotta even out the numbers since Matthews and Kelly are MIA, and Harry will be leaving soon. Like every other journalist who's not digging himself into an early grave on the freelance circuit, Mr. Cannon has resigned himself to the sad reality that he needs a "real" job to pay the bills, so here he is bullshitting (albeit with a sexy accent) about digging deeper and telling the truth. Naomi jumps in to bitch that Navid edited all the "hard hitting" blind items out of her segments. Navid and Cannon agree that the grapevine and Gretchen Wieners' burn book are not credible sources (P.S. I know it was Regina's, I just wanted to type the word Wieners, teehee). Naomi won't shut up, despite Silver's urging, so Cannon offers to critique it with his "very high standards." Naomi brats that his standards can't be that high, or he wouldn't be working this shitty gig. Fair point. I mean, consider the company (Matthews!). So much for first impressions! Cannon shuts her down faster than a rural titty bar at 2 a.m.
Later, out in the hall, Naomi compares Cannon to Big Brother, saying it's like 1984 all over again. AAdrianna makes a crack that she looks awful in shoulder pads and a perm. Naomi wants Silver to wallow with her, but Silver's distracted when she sees Teddy. She walks up and asks if he wants to have lunch. He blows her off, and she worries that he's still mad at her for spying. Naomi tells her to be direct with him so she doesn't have to freak out every time he doesn't respond how she wants. She asks AAdrianna to back her up, but AAdrianna, too, has been distracted. This time by RuWill. She makes an excuse to get rid of Silver and Naomi so she can run the other way. Not ready to dip her toes in the warm waters surrounding the Isle of Lesbos yet, I see.