Previously: Naomi accused her teacher of sexual harassment, then recanted. Harry covered up for Dixon, then blew both of their covers. Jasper came on strong with Annie, then backed off. Navid took a leap of faith, confessing his feelings to AAdrianna, then took a fall when his pop singing doppelganger swept her off her feet. Teddy's courtside dad shamed Silver into breaking up with him, then she effed things up plenty herself by kissing Dixon. And Liam stole his stepdad's precious coins, then got his maid fired. Jen got with many, many men, then got herself a baby.

We rejoin Jen in the doctor's office as she looks at the ultrasound of her demon spawn. "Can you believe it?" she asks. Naomi says, as a matter of fact, no, she can't believe that Jen can actually reproduce human babies. Jen snides that Naomi is probably disappointed that she wasn't "having a love affair with a coke-addled chimpanzee." Hey, don't bring Travis into this! The nurse closes the curtain on this escalating situation, so Naomi goes out to the office where she learns that they don't validate parking. Since she's flat broke and doesn't have money to pay parking, she sneaks back into the doctor's office and takes advantage of the closed curtain to riffle through Jen's purse. She doesn't find coins, but she does find something bankable -- a paternity test.

Elsewhere, Annie asks Liam if he's going to come clean to his stepdad about stealing the coins. He says that life as he knows it would be over because his father would either send him back to military school or press charges -- probably both. He especially notes that he'd never see Annie again, then quickly tries to cover, saying he wouldn't see anyone again for that matter. Annie suggests some scout's honor-y ways he could make things right for Rosa. She tells him he's lucky because he's got options, adding, "Sometimes you mess up and there's no way you can ever fix it."

Over in New York, AAdrianna and Javier compliment each other on their amazing gig. They hop into his limo where they're met by a ton of gifts from his fans, including a sizable pair of panties. Javier is first to lay hands on the charm bracelet Navid specially put together to show his love for and history with AAdrianna. He says it's not really his style and tells AAdrianna she can keep it.

Back at West Bev, Ivy and Dixon see a poster for the school's annual "Pass the Torch" party at the Natural History Museum. Dixon catches her up that it's a WBHS tradition in which everyone dresses up and the senior class hands over the school, so to speak, to the juniors. Dixon asks if she wants to go, saying it should be fun, but Ivy rags on school-sanctioned activities being lame. She switches topics, saying with wonder that the water in Australia goes down the drain in the opposite direction as it does in America. They agree they're both stoked for the trip and that everything will be fine as long as they're honest with each other. Dixon agrees, looking guilty as sin all the while.

Inside, Matthews makes his way into his classroom, where he finds a bundle of "CONGRATS DAD!" balloons anchored by a box of cigars. He opens up the envelope on top and reads the paternity test with Jen's name clearly printed on top. Surprise! Credits.

Later that morning, Ivy flirts with an anxious-looking Dixon as some hippie teacher lectures about physics. Once class ends, Dixon decides it's time to come out with it. Things don't take a good start when Ivy immediately points out they were only broken up for about two minutes. He tells her that he kissed Silver, that it meant nothing, they were both drunk, and they knew immediately it was a mistake. He says he can't keep secrets from her. She takes it about as well as she should, telling him she's done playing second fiddle to another girl, then walking out in a huff.

Over in Harry's office, the PrinciPAL reads a passage from an essay Dixon's B&E pal Mark Driscoll bought off of the Internet and tried to pass off as his own. Harry tells Driscoll that this little stunt will earn him an "F" in English and a rescinded invitation to graduation. Driscoll puts it back on Harry, saying surely the PrinciPAL can smooth things over with his teacher, or Driscoll will tell the Superintendent that Harry covered up Dixon's part in the vandalism at West Bev.

That afternoon, Naomi skips out on gym class to bitch to Liam about organized running. He sulkily asks how she's doing, and it takes her a minute to remember her lie about having the flu and snap into character. He puts up with it for about two seconds before telling her he knows she was driving and not sick in bed. She tries to gloss over the lie, but he tells her it's over. They never had much in common, and she's a self-centered liar, not to mention that she'd rather pretend to have the flu than hear him out. She tears up and screams after him that he's not perfect either. He agrees that he's not, but it's neither here nor there because they're done.

Back inside, Silver interviews AAdrianna about her new career and romantic duet with Javier. As some kid in plaid skinny pants roller skates around (is that really the best way to film a sit-down interview?), Navid watches uncomfortably. Then he spots the charm bracelet on AAdrianna's wrist, and the interview is over. He yells, "Cut!" Silver tries to remind him that you can't cut a live segment, but he insists because he needs to discuss "wardrobe" with AAdrianna. He scuttles everyone out and throws aside a chair -- with the camera still rolling, mind you. He wonders where AAdrianna got the bracelet. She claims it was a gift from Javier, so he goes about explaining every single charm and why it couldn't be a gift from Javier (unless he's actually the shadow self of Navid I have long suspected).

Out in the hall, Silver and the hipster cameramen stumble upon a gathering crowd, transfixed by the lovers' quarrel transpiring live on screen before them. Navid hilariously imagines AAdrianna and Javier having "a whole brood of Javier Juniors with amazing abs," just not wearing his bracelet. One of the camera guys admits to Silver that he forgot to turn off the camera because "Navid yells, and I panic." Heh. Silver runs back to the locked door and bangs on it, but Navid's on a roll. He demands his bracelet back, but AAdrianna says she doesn't want to give it back. She says she didn't realize that he liked her. He finally says out loud that he does, but he's "just Navid" and can't compete with the famous, sexy Javier. AAdrianna tells Navid he's wrong and that no one can compete with him. She takes his face in her hands. Cue a high-school wide "Awwwww" followed by a round of cheers. At which point Navid realizes maybe Silver was trying to tell him something. Back out in the hall, Silver moons at the reunited couple. Naomi looks at them with a bittersweet smile before revealing that Liam just dumped her.

That night, Matthews finds Jen at the beach club as she wraps up a condescending tutorial on crème brûlée with her chef. Matthews gets straight to the point and asks if she's pregnant. He wonders how she got his DNA. She says he left a "gnarly hairbrush" at her house. That tiny detail really causes the news to sink in for Matthews. Of course he does the "right" thing and offers to do whatever it takes to be a good father to this child. She looks at him with a stone face and informs him she doesn't need help from the likes of a lowly school teacher. He says he has rights, but she counters that she will fight him in court if that's what it takes. Jen may have been slumming it for a while, but her baby certainly won't. He tries to stop her by grabbing her arm. She gives him a look that could kill before excusing herself to a prenatal yoga class. Because a little breathing will definitely save that kid from being supremely fucked up.

Over at Silver's, Teddy stops by to ask why she broke up with him out of nowhere. She tells him everything about

1 2 3 4Next