Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
Boatloads of Trouble
Spence offering to pay her off. Teddy explodes (and it's about as well acted as a Taylor Lautner performing the part of Prospero in The Tempest). He eventually calms down and wonders why Silver broke up with him even though she didn't take the money. She says that Spence's approach may have been messed up, but his intentions were right. She says she can't stand in the way of Teddy's tennis career. He insists he needs her, that he can have a girlfriend and focus on the game, but Silver stands firm.

The next day, Silver and Naomi arrive at the Pass the Torch Party in their red dresses. They get a glimpse of all the couples, and Silver's ready to leave. Naomi tries to cheer her up by launching into a tuneless version of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies." Silver wonders why she's so chipper. Naomi insists she's going to move on from that loser Liam and meet someone much better. She says they can have fun by themselves and need to keep their chins up to avoid being pitiable. She starts singing again, and Silver's face turns pale. Amazingly, it's not from the blood rushing out of her ears. In fact, she's caught sight of Teddy. Naomi gets serious, asking why Silver broke up with Teddy in the first place. Silver lays out her martyr complex, so Naomi reminds her that Teddy should probably have some choice in the matter, too.

Inside, AAdrianna steadies herself to tell Javier about her reunion with Navid, but he interrupts to invite her on tour with him that summer. She stops him to break the news. He can't understand why someone would get together with a less famous, but better looking version of himself. She says she loves him and walks away. MILF comes over to ask if Javier's ready to perform for the students. He tells her AAdrianna called it quits, adding, "But it's not over 'til it's over."

Elsewhere, Annie finds Liam at a dock. He says he told his mom that he stole the coins and will come clean to his stepdad as soon as he returns from a business trip. So, before his life is destroyed by Stepdaddy Dearest, Liam has something to show Annie. He excitedly leads her down the dock to the boat that he made with his own two hands. She's thrilled to see it in the water. He invites her to see if the thing really sails. They cut through the water out into the marina, and it's kind of a lovely moment. A testament to the power of the boat because Annie really is a moment killer.

Back at the Natural History Museum, Ivy gets paged to the Planetarium. She gets there, and an astronomy presentation starts playing. Dixon narrates about how different civilizations over time have had various perspectives on what constitutes the center of the universe, from the Earth to the sun, etc. In Dixon's mind, Ivy is the center of the universe. He's even Photoshopped into the presentation a gnarly picture of her in some janky knit hat. Guess those breaking and entering skills Driscoll taught him have come in handy! Either way, it's ultra-cheesy, but that's how Dixon rolls. He emerges from the darkness to tell Ivy, "You're the only girl in this world for me." Ivy smiles and laughs at the gesture, telling him he's crazy. "Crazy about you," he responds. Gross. He asks what she thinks, and she eventually says that she'd like to get back together, too. Further, she reinvites him to Australia. And they leave tonight!

Out on the dance floor, zombies move in unison to Javier's embarrassingly earnest pop stylings. Silver spots Teddy across the floor. Naomi sees her longing eyes and urges her to head over. So she does. Silver tells Teddy she was wrong and that it's up to Teddy to decide how much he can handle. He smiles, they hug, and head out to the dance floor.

Elsewhere, Matthews enters the fracas drunk as a skunk and sets his sights on MILF. Homegirl is open to alternative lifestyles, but even Matthews' self-pitying TMI is too much for her. She tells him to go home and sleep it off.

A bit later, Naomi's "Single Ladies" façade finally crumbles during the torch-passing ceremony as she sees all of her friends happily coupled. She decides she has to get out of there, stat. She mopes into the shuttle just before Matthews comes out. A no-nonsense attendant tells him he'll have to wait 15 minutes. Instead, he hops into the short bus and takes it for a little drunken joyride.

Back on the water, Liam apologizes that he made Annie miss the party. She assures him it wasn't a big loss and asks why he hasn't named his boat yet. He says he had a name but changed his mind. "Guess the future is still unwritten," he says suggestively. He notices she looks pensive and asks what she's thinking. She says she's worried what will happen to him once he confesses to stealing the coins. He tells her it doesn't matter because he's changing his ways and abandoning all the mistakes and dishonesty of his past. He wants to do the right thing. He has to because he doesn't think he'd be able to live with himself otherwise. Annie says he's a better person than she is. He thinks she'd do the same thing in his position, but she insists she's done far worse and not come clean. She finally admits out loud that she mowed down a hobo last year after prom. She dissolves into tears, and Liam takes her in his arms. Back on the dock, Jasper watches anxiously.

Naomi arrives back at West Bev and plops into her car. It won't start. She sees a light on inside the school.

Over at La Casa Nueva, Dixon cheerfully checks himself out in the mirror as he packs for Australia. Debbie strides in to shit all over his happiness. He tries all the angles to convince her that it's a good idea, but she says the decision's final. He asks nastily what he's supposed to do all summer -- "sit around and listen to you and dad fight?" Shockingly, that doesn't sway her at all.

Debbie heads downstairs to revel in her misery. When a rumpled Harry comes in, she shoots him an accusatory "Where were you?" He tells her he was getting his ass served to him by the Superintendent and, oh yeah, he got fired for lying about Dixon and Driscoll. Debbie goes off on him for keeping things from her and making their lives a total mess with his lies. She thinks Dixon could have used some consequences, which is pretty ironic considering he's sneaking out and shaking his head as she says these very words. But Debbie's too wrapped up in her long-festering anger. She tells Harry they have nothing now -- no jobs, no savings, no love. He can't believe she would say that, so she challenges him to look her in the eye and say he's still in love with her. He looks her in the eyes all right, but he can't get the words out. He does an angry about-face and walks off.

Back at the party, Javier interrupts Navid and AAdrianna mid-make out session to tell AAdrianna his offer still stands. He invites her to come on tour with him -- not just for the summer, though. For the whole year. She asks what about school, but he says she doesn't need school because she already has the job of her dreams regardless of education. He urges her to take a risk. She gives an antsy "Maybe" before looking at Navid, then looking at Javier.

West Bev. Naomi finds Cannon in his classroom and asks if he can give her a jump -- for her car, that is. He senses her anxiousness and asks if everything's okay. She immediately bursts into tears as she echoes Liam's indictments that she's self-centered, a liar, a terrible person. He assures her she's not a terrible person, but she says she nearly ruined his life. He says she chose not to. He offers her a glass of water. Vodka works better, mister.

Outside Matthews arrives in the Christmas light-bedecked short bus. He stumbles out and into his car. He starts to back up, only he's got the car in drive. He bumps into a car parked in front of him and takes a second to reorient himself, during which time he spies Naomi sipping her water nervously inside the building. He cranks the car in reverse and careens into West Bev's billboard. Shaking his head a little, he looks back at the building and sees Cannon licentiously closing the blinds. Too drunk to care, Matthews puts the car back in drive and speeds off in a drunken blaze of ingloriousn

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