Previously: Dixon hit on DJ Hottie. Annie hit-and-run a homeless guy. Liam slapped up Jen with some covert voice recording. And Teddy lip-smacked AAdrianna, which only drove her to knock boots with Navid.

West Bev. Navid, freshly laid, walks into school like the BMO. There is pistol miming before he says, and I quoth, "Hey Natalie, way to work that Bunsen burner in lab!" OMG, how I love Michael Steger, let me count the ways... He sees Dixon, who says something completely banal -- don't even get me started on that d-bag hat -- and Navid laughs like a bit of a maniac. Dixon notes that whatever he said was not particularly funny, and Navid smugs, "Oh... I was just thinking of something AAdrianna said last night -- you know, after we did it."

He walks outside where Liam and Teddy are chatting. They are all abuzz about their respective awesome weekends. Liam is blissful about getting some dirty on Jen. Teddy asks how Navid's weekend was special, and Navid plays coy, asking if he looks different. Dixon cuts through the bullshit, saying Navid got some snatch. Teddy's eyes bug slightly, but he remains mum. Navid claims he was trying to keep it on the down low, as if he wouldn't write a 2,000-word essay in the Blaze if he could. Navid takes his moment in the sun, high-fiving the guys and bragging out how AAdrianna "couldn't keep her hands off" him on Friday after the beach club event. Teddy remains silent as Navid's jackassness increases steadily. At one point Dixon even has to tell him he's reached his high-five limit. Teddy, seizing on any opportunity to stir the pot, suggests he, Navid, AAdrianna and some poor disposable girl should go on a double date. Even amidst his high Navid seems less-than-enthusiastic, but he agrees to it. And a devious sparkle glints in Teddy's Aryan eyes.

Elsewhere, Debbie is getting a pedicure when a stranger comes up to compliment her nail color (Dulce de Leche). As it turns out, the stranger is DJ Hottie, scouting out her man's Cougar Mama. DJ Hottie makes mundane nail parlor conversation before going in for the kill. In short order she finds out that Debbie is not Dixon's lover, but his mom. And that he's only a junior in high school.

West Bev. Naomi talks to a college counselor about her dreams of going to California University. She plans to pledge Pi Phi, then meet and marry an SAE. She continues prattling on until the college counselor's all, "Reality check!" She tells Naomi she doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of getting into CU, given her test scores and general lack of interest in anything with depth. Even her status as a legacy won't be enough to secure admission. The counselor consoles Naomi that Santa Monica Community College is just as good. Heh.

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