Naomi learns that she has no shot in hell of getting into her dream college, so she sidles up to the Dean of Admissions' son, an environmental freak, and embraces green living…-ish in order to up her chances of getting into school. Along the way, however, she runs into a frat boy meathead dreamboat and strikes a shallow rapport. Naturally, the jock and the hippie are roommates, guaranteeing some love triangle (quadrangle?) hijinks to come.
Liam and Matthews respectively learn nothing. Liam continues to walk around with his ticking time bomb of an iTouch holding the sound file of Jen admitting they had sex. He tries to present it to Naomi but finds it's bad timing, so he manages to get it confiscated by Matthews. The two Elphin Males get into a scrap over who's boss, with Matthews winning this round. He calls in Liam's parents to discuss Liam's attitude problems. As soon as he hears Liam's stepdad being a grade-A prick, he decides to cut the kid some slack. Liam stays out of boot camp for another week and throws Matthews a bone, offering to enter an essay competition. Matthews continues to operate under the delusion that he's a worthwhile teacher-slash-human being. Also, Liam deletes the incriminating Jen soundbyte.
Dixon is found out by DJ Hottie and dumped in short order for being 17 years old. He spends the entire episode trying to win her back, including a half sausage/half pepperoni pizza. Shockingly, a $15 pizza doesn't make up for an entire relationship's worth of lies. He finally gawks her into submission over Frames-esque music, and they have sex some more, claiming it's just goodbye humping. Awhaw.
Navid enters the episode on a cloud, thanks to finally getting some high school girl cooze up in there. AAdrianna is less thrilled, since she's still guilty for kissing Teddy. She briefly falls out with Silver for seeing the aforementioned infidelity, but Silver is too preoccupied by seeing her mother at AAdrianna's AA meeting. While AAdrianna vacillates between a rock-solid relationship with Navid and a flaming fling with Teddy -- who is doing everything he can, by the way, to make her jealous -- Silver abjectly cuts Jackie out of her life. AAdrianna is happy with her decision for now, but things come to a head when AAdrianna informs Silver that Jackie has cancer.
And morose Annie persists in hanging out with the nephew of the man she killed. Really?
Previously: Dixon hit on DJ Hottie. Annie hit-and-run a homeless guy. Liam slapped up Jen with some covert voice recording. And Teddy lip-smacked AAdrianna, which only drove her to knock boots with Navid.
West Bev. Navid, freshly laid, walks into school like the BMO. There is pistol miming before he says, and I quoth, "Hey Natalie, way to work that Bunsen burner in lab!" OMG, how I love Michael Steger, let me count the ways... He sees Dixon, who says something completely banal -- don't even get me started on that d-bag hat -- and Navid laughs like a bit of a maniac. Dixon notes that whatever he said was not particularly funny, and Navid smugs, "Oh... I was just thinking of something AAdrianna said last night -- you know, after we did it."
He walks outside where Liam and Teddy are chatting. They are all abuzz about their respective awesome weekends. Liam is blissful about getting some dirty on Jen. Teddy asks how Navid's weekend was special, and Navid plays coy, asking if he looks different. Dixon cuts through the bullshit, saying Navid got some snatch. Teddy's eyes bug slightly, but he remains mum. Navid claims he was trying to keep it on the down low, as if he wouldn't write a 2,000-word essay in the Blaze if he could. Navid takes his moment in the sun, high-fiving the guys and bragging out how AAdrianna "couldn't keep her hands off" him on Friday after the beach club event. Teddy remains silent as Navid's jackassness increases steadily. At one point Dixon even has to tell him he's reached his high-five limit. Teddy, seizing on any opportunity to stir the pot, suggests he, Navid, AAdrianna and some poor disposable girl should go on a double date. Even amidst his high Navid seems less-than-enthusiastic, but he agrees to it. And a devious sparkle glints in Teddy's Aryan eyes.
Elsewhere, Debbie is getting a pedicure when a stranger comes up to compliment her nail color (Dulce de Leche). As it turns out, the stranger is DJ Hottie, scouting out her man's Cougar Mama. DJ Hottie makes mundane nail parlor conversation before going in for the kill. In short order she finds out that Debbie is not Dixon's lover, but his mom. And that he's only a junior in high school.
West Bev. Naomi talks to a college counselor about her dreams of going to California University. She plans to pledge Pi Phi, then meet and marry an SAE. She continues prattling on until the college counselor's all, "Reality check!" She tells Naomi she doesn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of getting into CU, given her test scores and general lack of interest in anything with depth. Even her status as a legacy won't be enough to secure admission. The counselor consoles Naomi that Santa Monica Community College is just as good. Heh.