90210

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!
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You Could Crush Mint on Those Abs
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: AAdrianna turned love for the crack pipe into like-like for Navid. Matthews (ostensibly) dipped his toe in the kiddie pool and was asked/told to take a leave of absence. Annie once had a corn-husking boyfriend from Kansas but wasn't thinking about him at all once she and Ethan started to creep around, despite an ultimatum from Naomi. Long story short, Naomi spotted the two cheaters canoodling before they got the chance to come clean.

We return precisely where we left off last time: Weepy music plays as Naomi spies her betrayal in progress. She staggers off in a horrendous plaid-paneled dress that looks like something Jeffrey Sebelia concocted during a particularly harsh comedown. Students laugh and chat, enabling Naomi to suspect that the world really does revolve around her. Newsflash, perma donna: No one cares about Annie, Ethan, or you. Even me. And I'm paid to care. Naomi heads into class and hears two students further speculating on an impending romance between two hot people. Naomi spits out at AAdrianna, "They know?!" AAdrianna bursts Naomi's self-obsessed bubble to tell her that Aryan George sent a school-wide text message blowing the whistle on Matthews and Kimberly. Naomi pretends to be relieved, but you know she is howling inside since she can't be the victim.

Aryan George self-importantly swaggers into the class. Harry cuts off his self-congratulations by announcing that he'll be Matthews' substitute. He starts talking about Madame Bovary, and spoils the ending. Annie disrupts him by stumbling in late. She sits down, and Naomi leans over to suggest they have a little chat after school. Naomi gives an evil smile that quickly morphs to bitchface as Annie turns and squirms.

Out in the hall, Silver welcomes Kelly back to West Bev. Kelly tells her Dylan still has the same sideburns and commitment issues. But can he still deliver a perfectly timed double-chin punch? Because that is sorely missing from this show. Kelly seems to take it all in stride and claims she's leaving herself open to all possibilities. By which she means she's ready for a rebound fling with Matthews. Speaking of whom, she saw Harry teaching his class and wonders what's up. Silver tells Kelly she "missed some stuff" while away. Nothing unusual, though, just statutory rape, drug raids, OD-ing teenagers, and a raging house party -- at your own house.

Outside, camcorder in hand, Navid hounds Matthews as he takes his leave. Matthews is more Obama on Halloween, less Brad Garrett on a Tuesday as he tells Navid to shove off. Kelly comes outside and shoos Navid away. She asks Matthews if the rumors are true, and he -- probably for the first time ever -- doesn't spout off about his moral rectitude. He remains cagey, which doesn't satisfy Kelly one bit.

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90210

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