Ethan pulls a totally wuss move and doesn't die in the car accident. Laaaame! He apologizes to the other driver, who suffered a punctured lung like whoa. He learns that she goes to West Bev... and is in his French class. Awkward! Guilt drives him to get extra chummy with her, and she totally takes advantage by pretending to be weaker than is actually the case so Ethan Nightingale will show her the really good bedside manner. I'm putting my money on it -- they're so hooking up.

While Ethan gets his nursing certificate, Annie approaches Hot for Drama Teacher to find out why she didn't get Cleopatra, a.k.a. the part of destiny. Annie operates under the assumption that something as minor as a bad hair day was her downfall. Instead, HfDT tells her she's a crap actress. Nice. Surprisingly, Annie takes this criticism constructively. Nonetheless, in the light of recent events, her constant yammering wears thin on Ethan.

AAdrianna continues to capitalize on her expert timing and tells Ty about their gaywad crack baby in the middle of a crowded party. He freaks at first but is surprisingly cool after sleeping on it. Or so it would seem. In fact, he cedes all decisions to his pinch-faced mother. You see, the Collinses are totally loaded and immediately assume that AAdrianna is a money-grubbin' crack ho. PinchFace straight-up highjacks AAdrianna's fetus(!) vis-à-vis a legal contract that decrees AAdrianna will disappear to New Mexico, hand the baby Juno-style over to someone... well... less addicted to crack, then never speak of it again. Oh yeah, she also manages to spill the baby beans to DinaLite, which has the unexpected effect of bringing out the Mama Bear in the profligate mom. Ultimately, AAdrianna decides she can bear the cross of the Pariah for a few more months if it saves her from exile, so she stands up to Ty in the grandest way possible -- by announcing that she is pregnant -- to the entire student body!

Dixon and Navid are on "Mission: Pussy Posse" as they try to get over their respective exes. This consists of reading library books from 1957 about courtship, wearing horrible sweater vests, and insulting girls, um, seductively? Luckily Rah Rah emboldens them with her lesbionic lady-catchin' skillz. She also invites them to a party, where much to his -- and everyone else's -- surprise, Navid actually finds a girl as loser-y and ethnic as he is. Dixon's prowling is cut short, however, when Silver flies over the cuckoo's nest to crash the party. A scene ensues, wherein it comes to light that she does love Dixon. They reunite, which hopefully means he will be breaking up with his sweater vest collection. Fingers crossed!

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which version of 90210 Val and Beth think is most unrealistic on TV is the Answer! And check back later this week for the full recap!