So let's start with the schadenfreude: AAdrianna buys a house that is at once tremendously tacky and way beyond her budget. To address the budget issue, she cuts Victor's commission in half. At the same time, she throws the most outlandish, outrageous Christmas party you've ever seen, complete with elves and reindeer to escort her around the outdoor ice skating rink as she sings "Santa Baby." The part where she makes everyone sit around and watch her open her gifts while being a two-faced hag about it is especially delightful. Oh yeah, and did I mention the part where she delivers a Christmas toast in which she compares herself to the Maccabees and Jesus Christ himself? What. An. Asshole. Long story short, Victor takes back the dwarf-elf reins, as well as Javier's notebook o' songs, and sells the story of her thievery, trickery, and general assery to anyone who will listen, leaving AAdrianna with no songs for her new album and no way to fund that big, ugly house. On the upside, she'll probably have some good material for country music.
But that's not the end of the misfortune for the pop tart whose self-described worst nightmare is wearing the same dress as Miley Cyrus. Oh no. Navid tries to clear the air with Silver after confessing his feelings for her last week. She pushes him away over and over again, even when AAdrianna throws a slumber party -- big shock! -- everyone bails on except Silver and Navid. You have to give the boy credit for trusting his gut and being persistent, though, because by episode's end, Silver finally sees what an insufferable prick AAdrianna has become and says, "What the Hell" as she and Navid share a long-time-coming lip lock.
And she's not the only one tasting of the forbidden fruit. Teddy and Ian are both happy about their little luau liaison from last week, but Ian initially tells Teddy that leaping back into the closet is a non-starter. After Teddy pours his heart out, tells Ian he cares for him, and finally admits, out loud, that he's gay, Ian agrees to give him time to plan his coming-out strategy. Though that may be a non-issue if Dixon, who saw the two of them kissing, spills the beans to anyone else. Speaking of Dixon, he and Annie allow Liam into La Casa Nueva after Liam's brutal beating at the hands of Dax. Liam is still estranged from his brother-slash-Annie's boyfriend, a.k.a. Coffee Cutie, so Annie promises CC she'll look after Liam. She skips AAdrianna's party to do so, which gives Liam the perfect opportunity to confess his undying love for her. With that Florence Nightingale Jr. finally redresses the embarrassing sin of cashing in her V-Card to psycho Jasper. I, for one, hope these two have lots of hot sex in the new year. Maybe afterglow will make Annie less irritating.
Ivy's isolation only grows as the holiday approaches, so she calls on her long-lost father, who wastes no time in shit-talking MILF. Ivy enjoys this new feeling of solidarity, especially when Naomi considers giving Ausscar a second chance despite Ivy's wishes. Unfortunately, Ivy's dad ultimately reveals the agenda he's been working toward by spending all this time with his daughter. He wants her to help him convince MILF to pick up Ivy's college tuition, since has other kids that he cares about enough to send to college. Ivy goes home to MILF devastated, and they have a tearful reconciliation. The reunion is largely thanks to the behind-the-scenes work of Naomi, who also decides she can't disrespect Ivy by dating Ausscar. And how does the Perma Donna get repaid for her good deeds? By coming home to her apartment, completely unaware that Cannon is lurking in the darkness ready to terrorize her.
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Previously: AAdrianna lying and stealing nearly drove Navid to cheat. MILF's illicit affair with Ausscar drove a wedge between her and Ivy. Teddy stopped fighting his feelings for Ian. And Liam fought a losing battle with Loony Laura's thug ex.
Morning in the Bev Niner. AAdrianna has outdone herself in the a-hole department by picking up a yappy Chihuahua and some obnoxious "Don't look at me! Please look at me!" starlet sunglasses. A real estate agent is driving her up to a home that she claims is "so Sunset Boulevard." AAdrianna ditzes that she thought they were off Mulholland. The agent explains that Gloria Swanson used to live in the house, and AAdrianna realizes she's talking about the movie, which she can suddenly quote, even though she didn't recognize the iconic title just seconds before. Booooo, writers.
They drive up to the house, which is like Hercules picked up Notre Dame and dropped it right in the middle of Beverly Hills. Not sure why, but AAdrianna thinks this faux Gothic monstrosity it totally her and immediately says she wants it without even stepping inside. The ornate train wreck mÃ©lange continues inside, where a potted palm tree sits next to what appears to a baptismal font. The agent claims Rudolph Valentino once swung from the chandelier naked. Art Deco chairs surround the pool outside because, really, why attempt consistency at this point? As AAdrianna plans to throw a huge party in her new house, the agent blows one more plume of smoke up her ass before telling AAdrianna that the house is $20,000 a month and requires a six-month commitment. AAdrianna doesn't bat an eyelash, so Victor pipes up that AAdrianna should be a little more fiscally conservative since she only has one single out and doesn't know where the future will lead. She takes this as a sign of his doubt, calls him a wet blanket, and lashes out by cutting his commission in half so she can "afford" the house. So now he's making 2.5%. Yeah, that's really going to keep him loyal and totally not going to backfire, you dumb hussy. Good job. Now go buy some damn gargoyles for your ugly house.
West Bev. Navid runs into Silver and her latest tragic haircut. He playfully-slash-self-consciously asks her if his luau confession was awkward. She says it was. He admits he's really confused about whether he should be with AAdrianna, especially since his feelings are changing. She cuts him off, saying that she won't betray her friend and suggesting they take some space.