90210

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This Isn't China, It's Beverly Hills!

Okay, I realize there's this show on tonight where old guys blather about stocks and surpluses and such, but that's a fundamental difference between them and me. I'll tell you about the really important issues: Adrianna and Annie were invited to audition for a slasher flick; Kelly left town to see her sperminator, giving Silver full reign over her home; Naomi and Ethan finally called it quits, and AAdrianna (the artist formerly known as Adrianna) began her descent down the rabbit hole.

We join Matthews' class in session, or rather Harry does, to introduce new student Kimberly McIntyre. Matthews gives her the once-over -- no doubt assessing his odds of statutory rape prosecution. Annie takes it upon herself to be the one-girl welcome wagon, quipping that she was the new girl, too. New Girl brings out the sass all "Whupaw!" and snarks that Annie wasn't very good at being the new girl since she "got the job." Something tells me this one will be an excellent frenemy to Naomi.

Perhaps inspired by Never Been Kissed, Matthews asks New Girl to tell the class about herself. New Girl retorts that he can take whatever Annie said when she came and "make it better." Sadly, unlike Never Been Kissed, Matthews doesn't punish New Girl by making her don a magnificent sombrero. I take my wager that she will be frenemies with Naomi and raise the stakes she has seen a world of hurt. Maybe she and Silver can share stories about women's shelters while they apply face masks and braid each other's hair.

New Girl abandons her blasé demeanor and plays along, announcing that she's from Vegas, wears a Size 8 shoe, and has three piercings -- but won't say where. And, oh yeah, she likes tacos. Matthews uses his own passion for stuffed tortillas to attempt to resume class, but New Girl asks if he has any piercings. Cue uncomfortable change of topic. Oh, that Kim, what a little sassafras. Yawn.

Later that day, another of Annie's teachers announces that the teens will pair up for a socioeconomic experiment in which they will look after a fake baby. As the teacher explains the process, some misogynist B-boy interrupts to say that child rearin' is "woman's work," so his partner better "reck-uh-nize." He is summarily informed that he will have to go gay -- with Navid. Next up, Annie and Ethan are predictably matched up. The teacher mixes it up by designating Ethan a stay-at-home dad. She explains the babies are digitally tracked. Not only must the students feed and change them, but the sensors will also register any mistreatment, which will constitute failure. Just like life -- only with accountability!

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90210

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