90210

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This Isn't China, It's Beverly Hills!

Of course, the person in question that will have to wait is the crestfallen Naomi. Though, in his defense, what could Ethan actually do? Either way, we return to the non-date where Ethan gets the bright idea to dissect whether it's a date or not. He says that, even though it's not a date, it feels like one. Annie agrees, and they conclude that it must not be a date. Ethan takes it one step further, going for the lean-in and saying, "Because if it was a date, I'd do this..." Needless to say, Mrs. Bates rears her ugly head (literally) just at the moment that the kids are about to have their first non-date kiss. And if anyone didn't see that coming a mile away, then I cannot help you.

The star-crossed twinks are still reeling from the lost momentum when Dixon leaps between them to marvel at how awesome Hitchcock made that moment (though he doesn't actually give credit to Hitchcock because he is wildly ignorant). He says he jumped and asks if they did, too. Ethan awkwardly says he did, and Annie echoes his self-conscious timbre. They sit around, looking awkward and a whole lotta disappointed.

Meanwhile, Naomi furiously dials AAdrianna's phone. She won't reach her, though, because AAdrianna is laid out on a shag carpet in some drug den, dying a slow death by overdose. Addicts and EMTs surround her, trying to revive her. As an oxygen mask covers her expressionless face, Naomi leaves a caustic message that ends with, and I quote, "You're dead to me." Girl, you don't know how right you are.

We pit the new batch of characters against the classic crew. See who wins.

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90210

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