90210

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Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!
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This Isn't China, It's Beverly Hills!

Outside, Silver posts signs for her half-birthday celebration. A bewildered Dixon follows her around like a puppy with a hard-on. No one can rain on Silver's freak parade, though, as she espouses the wonders of horror films. Dixon says he never got into them but seductively offers her the chance to initiate him properly. Their foreplay is cut short as Annie and Ethan approach with their new baby. She tries to no avail to offload the kid on Ethan as he leaves. Silver goes for the well-worn joke that they should have dated before having a kid. Annie jumps at the chance to make it seem like she chooses not to date Ethan -- completely ignoring, of course, that he has not really demonstrated any real interest in her.

Naomi finds AAdrianna in the quad, doing the druggie eye drop routine. She asks about AAdrianna's hag of a stage mother, and AAdrianna cops to the fact that her mother is a Dina Lohan wannabe. Naomi says she's worried about AAdrianna because of the rumors, but AAdrianna brushes them off.

AAdrianna says her only problem these days is Annie, since she got her kicked out of the play and runs off to tattle about her to her daddy. She even bitches about auditioning against Annie for the movie, all the while conveniently failing to mention that she wouldn't even have been asked to audition if not for Annie. The best part of this whole monologue is that, while she's dopily trash-talking Annie, Annie is totally watching her do it. I have a feeling AAdrianna's so out of it, she doesn't even see Annie. She probably thinks she's talking shit about, like, a flaxen-haired woodland pixie and that Naomi is her Medusa-like Ego.

Naomi continues with her prepared "supportive" speech, but AAdrianna stops her cold, saying she don't need no intervention. She asks what's new with Naomi. Naomi summarizes: affair, divorce, world crashing down, etc. AAdrianna apologizes for her absence, blaming auditions. We should all be coming to realize that what AAdrianna calls "auditions" are what Jacqueline Susann called "dolls." They promise to be there for each other, do some weird, girly singing giggle thing that they obviously invented when they were still of Punky Brewster-watching age, and switch necklaces for luck. All is right with the world!

Elsewhere, Harry walks outside with some one-liner in a red blazer and Crazy Eyes, who obviously has committed herself to the PTA since becoming newly single, and the three of them chat about an upcoming fundraiser. Red blazer leaves, and Crazy Eyes brings up the illegitimate child she had with Harry some 20 years ago. She asks if he wonders about the kid ever. Harry gives a vague-ish answer, but she says that's not good enough. She wants to hire a private investigator to find the bastard...

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90210

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