Dixon finally tells Ivy that he had an HIV scare, but it's too late, because she already went and gave her V-card to Ausscar. She gives Dixon the "I need time to think" speech, and then confides in her mom that she lost her virginity to the same young fella that mom was banging all summer long. Good times. Then Ausscar feels the need to loop Ivy in on the situation, all as part of a plan to get back at Cougar Mommy for breaking up his family and driving his own mom to an overdose.
On the Annie front, she's being wooed by Liam's brother as he talks about The Muppets Take Manhattan in French. He's a throughful playwright, and she decides she wants to crash his play, even though he specifically told her not to. She finds out that Charlie likes to write messed-up serial killer shit. But at a party she decides that he's a nice guy, and they hook up while the dulcet tones of Chris Isaak play in the background. Also, Charlie has a mystery scar.
Liam, on the other hand is trying to make Annie jealous, and find a new job. He ends up modeling at some American Apparel/Abercrombie/Hollister/American Eagle store wearing just jeans in the window and showing off his abs. Then he gets hired by some lady to be her errand boy and live in her pool house. Upgrade from his car. And from getting sprayed in the face by cologne. Turns out that the rich lady is mom to Peppy Lori, the obsessive girl who won him at the bachelor auction and now feels the need to save him. Also, Liam has a mystery scar.
AAdrianna's new manager is sleazier than ever, and wants cash if Silver's documentary/senior project makes money. He also wants AAdrianna to pose topless to gain success. Naturally, Silver's documentary takes the audio of a moment of sleazeball manager blackmailing AAdrianna. What would we do on this show if Silver's documentaries didn't secretly capture every secret that people are keeping? Anyway, AAdrianna tries to quit, but realizes that being famous is way more fun, so goes along with her manager's plan. That's going to go so great. I can just tell.
Over at the beach club, Jen is calling her baby "Jacques" and gets all uppity when Naomi stops by to see her new nephew. Naturally, Ryan had to coax Naomi to go here, but she's here and Jen's a bitch. Best part? Debbie calls her a bitch. That's cool. Silver, who just happens to be with Naomi for no real reason, even though this seems to be happening simultaneously with the topless photo shoot session that she was also at, has to leave her after four minutes because she's got mandatory school therapy sessions (that apparently aren't during school hours?). She mentions Kelly (Kelly!) and while we don't get to see her, Jen overhears Silver and Naomi's conversation about Mr. Cannon being a gross rapist thanks to the baby monitor. Jen has something akin to a human emotion and wants to kill Cannon, but eventually Ryan calms them both down and they're friendly... and Mr. Cannon is still a rapist.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Sleazeball manager caught AAdrianna stealing songs from a dead kid, Naomi's sister popped out her kid, Naomi was still dealing with Cannon being a rapist, Dixon thought he had AIDS, and Ivy ran off to hook up with Ausscar.
It's bright and early in Ivy's bedroom, and as the alarm goes off she realizes that she's naked in bed with Ausscar. She doesn't seem pleased about this. I can't say as I blame her. Even though I don't like her and her gross hair, no one deserves Ausscar. He's trying to beg her to stay in bed and skip school by being "charming"... or showing off his lack of clothing. That's a strategy, I suppose. Their banter is interrupted by a knock on her door by MILF. Now, those doors are frosted glass. Wouldn't you think that she could see shadows of more than one person in her daughter's room. Or hear another voice? Especially the familiar voice of the guy that she herself has been sleeping with? Anyway, she's oblivious and informs Ivy that Dixon is at their house and wants to talk to her.
Dixon wants to explain his position, but Ivy says that she gets that he's still into Sasha and doesn't want details of his sexy affair with an older woman. Again, I really dislike Ivy, but I can't say as I blame her here. Dixon says that he's not into Sasha, reveals that he thought he was HIV-positive for a hot minute and panicked. He's all apologetic, Ivy gets a look of horror on her face as she realizes that she slept with Ausscar and her actual boyfriend is still an option. Then Ausscar walks out all smug-looking, Ivy says she needs to think about things and shuffles them off. Then MILF walks in and tells Ausscar about this thing called privacy, since she'd like to see her daughter happy. She says that her relationship with Ivy is the only thing she's ever done right, which Ausscar takes as an opening to hit on her.
In the hallowed halls of West Beverly, Mr. Matthews tries to get Naomi to look at a picture of her new nephew, but she's not interested in anything Jen-related. Well, until she sees the photo of Jack/Jacques. Wouldn't Facebook, or a text message have been easier?
Liam is walking all broody down the stairs when he's accosted by Laura. She's the girl who won him at the bachelor auction, and thinks he's her for-real boyfriend. She wants him to go to concerts, but he basically tells her to bug off, until he sees Annie. Then he feeds into Laura's obsessive fantasies some more. She's so ridiculously peppy that she thinks his hot-and-cold act is sexy.
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