Undies. Ian wraps up the ceremony with some cracks about how the underachievers are hotter than the kids at the Achievement Awards. He glances over at Teddy, who's been watching the whole time, and they share a sweet smile before Teddy reverts to "No homo!" He walks out and finds a couple of burnouts passing a joint around. They joke that he's going to narc on them. Instead, he joins in.
Meanwhile, Silver and Navid arrive and take in all the dancing and underwear swinging. Silver admits this party is way better than the Achievement Awards, and Navid jokes that they'd be the only ones who could save the day if terrorists demanding to know the decimals of Pi to the tenth digit stormed the place. What was that Liam was saying earlier about Navid's lame humor? Navid points out the girl from the locker next door to Silver. He still doesn't know why she hates him and takes a minute to try to figure out why she looks familiar to him. Seeing her writhing dancing, a spark of recognition comes across his face.
Elsewhere, Liam is still at his post, pouting and protecting purses. Dixon says he doesn't think anyone is going to steal them, and Liam agrees. He gets a text from Loony Laura, who has called him to diffuse a "purse emergency."
Police station. Ausscar waits with Naomi as the coppers check out Cannon, nee Douglas Atherton's record. All Ausscar hopes for in return for his internet searching services is dinner with Naomi. She rejects him again but gives him the swanky pen in exchange. He tells her he's going to use it to sign their marriage license someday. Wow, folks, chivalry isn't dead! Nothing says "gentleman" like trying to pick her up while she's at the police station on rape-related business. Finally, the lady office returns to report that Cannon/Atherton is indeed wanted in the UK. They're going to start the extradition process and arrest Cannon post-haste.
Cut to a clip of locker girl asking a police officer if she can "dance" her way out a speeding ticket. The camera zooms out to show that it's a pre-money shot clip of one of Navid's father's films. Navid, who's playing it on his smart phone, has finally put two and two together to realize that his locker mate is a porn star. It's a problem for obvious reasons since this girl is a junior in high school and, thus, underage.
In a seedier part of town, Liam finds Loony Laura in the midst of hostile handbag negotiations with some guys who look like they're from Tijuana by way of South Central. They don't want to pay Laura the full, agreed upon price for her merch, and she wants Liam to sort it out. He tells the guys to calm down because it's just a purse. Instead, the ring leader pulls out a knife and cuts up one of the purses to reveal Laura's real product is not so much handbags as dime bags, i.e. cocaine. The guy agrees that Laura's "purses" are worth the money, and the issue is solved.