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Emily the Deranged
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Teddy was outed. Emily outfoxed Annie. Naomi flipped out over her feelings for a nerd. And Navid kicked AAdrianna's ass out the door... but not before she found out he was cheating on her and set a plan for vengeance.

West Bev. Naomi and dweeby-sexy Max peer into microscopes in the science lab. Within seconds, Max calls Naomi an "amazing specimen," and you know it must be a dream. Naomi leans coyly, and they slowly drift toward one another. Max takes off his glasses and sets them on the counter behind him as they start furiously making out. Naomi is so hungry for it, that she ends up pushing him back onto the counter and crushing his glasses. That crunch signals to her that something is wrong. "Nothing's wrong," Max says as he puts on the broken specs. "In fact, it's as right as a 90-degree angle." Even as he speaks, his face takes on an off-putting affect not unlike OG sexy nerd, Lewis Skolnick. Props to Josh Zuckerman for the physicality. And while I'm handing out kudos, let's have one for the music supervisors, who underscored this scene with the throbbing beats of "E.T." by Katy Perry, which simultaneously brings the sexy and features a nerd component. At any rate, Naomi wakes up from her nightmare and lets out a moan of both horror and titillation.

Now on to the real West Bev, where Dixon and Liam are playing pool and casting their biopics. Dixon criticizes Liam's pick to be played by James Dean on the grounds that James Dean is dead. Liam thinks 56-year-old Denzel Washington isn't any better a choice for Dixon to have made. Once Liam insults Dixon's pool skills, they get into it physically. Navid breaks up the tussle by telling them about an upcoming girls' volleyball championship he has to cover for one of the Blaze writers who has fallen ill. As they yuk it up about all the bobbing boobs they'll be ogling that weekend, Teddy comes in and asks what's up. The guys clam up because, clearly, now that Teddy's a big ol' gay, he'd never want to go to some icky event that's all girls. Sheesh. As the bell rings, Teddy notices the weirdness. He heads off and is sad when they don't even say goodbye.

Meanwhile, Naomi meets up with the school guidance counselor, a.k.a. Not Kelly Taylor. Naomi apologizes for being late, saying she couldn't sleep and praises Jeebus for hemorrhoid cream. When Not Kelly returns a baffled expression, Naomi explains that the cream reduces the puffiness. She can't believe that Not Kelly wouldn't know this trick since it is her job to guide students. Seems Naomi has a different idea of what guidance entails. In any case, Not Kelly called the meeting to talk about college. Naomi says she can't wait to be rid of the nerds in high school. Not Kelly tells her that being smart and well-read is actually an admirable, appealing trait for collegians. This puzzles Naomi. Not Kelly gets to the real point of the meeting: Naomi was wait-listed at CU. She thinks that this is good news since Naomi wasn't flat-out rejected, but Naomi is disheartened that her improved SAT scores and involvement in the Blaze filming segments with headlines like "Is Fat Contagious?" wasn't enough to get her accepted. Not Kelly gives her a sympathetic cock of the head and gives Naomi the wait list letter.

Out in the hall, Emily spots Liam walking down the hall absent-mindedly as he checks his smartphone. She devises to bump into him "accidentally." He is friendly and dopey as ever, so she takes the occasion to lay it on thick about how hard life has been now that Annie hates her and calls her a bitch all the time. She says it's been sad because she idolized Annie a kid. She lays down the death blow by suggesting that Annie would be livid just to see Liam talking to Emily. Being a guy, Liam does not understand these catty dynamics. He tries to defend Annie, but the seed has been planted in his mind.

In the cafeteria, Dixon asks Ivy whether it would be an adventure or a horrible mistake to choose the mystery sushi on offer. She says it's probably made from fugu, the Japanese blowfish that is fatally poisonous if it's not prepared correctly. Having grown up in Kansas, Dixon says he's never eaten fugu. She says she knows a restaurant that serves it downtown and invites him to join her for dinner. He asks if they'll go as friends. She admits she was hoping for more. He gently tells her he's not ready to take that step yet because he's still upset over what happened with Ausscar. Ivy makes a quick excuse and leaves with her tail between her legs.

Beach club. Silver meets AAdrianna just as the reality show producer calls to give the update on AAdrianna's show. It's not good news, mainly because Navid refused to sign a release to be in the show. The producer doesn't think there's enough drama and has shelved the project for now. With that, AAdrianna's career looks irredeemable. Instead of realizing she's a boring brat, AAdrianna blames it all on Navid. Silver asks if there's anything she can do. "You know what, there is something you can do," AAdrianna says as she pulls out the earring she found in Navid's bedroom. "You can help me find the cheating whore who has ruined my life." Silver = gulp. Credits.

West Bev. Annie gets nostalgic as she and Liam walk through the schools hallways and talk about graduating in a few months. Liam tells her that he applied to Drexel University in Philadelphia so he could be close to Pittsburgh, home of Carnegie Mellon where Annie hopes to attend. Annie says she's worried about her chances of getting in now that she didn't get the role in the play. Liam preemptively tells her it's time to move on and goes to bat for Emily, saying she didn't steal the part purposefully. Annie bugs out and insists Emily had every intention of screwing her over. Liam says Annie shouldn't punish Emily and lets it slip that Emily told him Annie's been giving her the silent treatment. As predicted, Annie is livid that Liam is consorting with her sworn enemy. Liam thinks it's silly that Annie cares this much. Annie says she doesn't trust Emily and orders Liam to stay away from her. Liam tells her to chill out and walks away... and right into Emily's web.

Blaze room. Silver and Navid make a big show of being business-like as she walks in. After he closes the door, though, he lunges in for a smooch. She pushes him away gently and says they need to talk. She explains that the producer put the kibosh AAdrianna's reality show, leaving her with nothing to do and a heart full of vengeance. Navid thinks they need to find something to distract AAdrianna and proposes they pawn her off on Dixon now that he's single. Silver -- a.k.a. Dixon's ex-girlfriend (not to mention a person with some decency left in her) -- thinks that's a bad idea. She begs Navid to sign the release. Then the show can go on, and AAdrianna can return to focusing on her career. Navid doesn't want to air his laundry in public, but Silver flips the chick switch and begs him to do it.

Science lab. After her make-out dream, Naomi squirms as Max nerds out about the universe, the narrowness of human understanding, and all things "you can't see with the naked eye." Naomi: "Please don't say naked." She pretends to be frustrated that she can't find a file on her computer, so he offers to take a look. When his hand brushes against hers, she yelps out. He jumps back, and she quickly lies that she's on edge after finding out that she's on CU's wait list. He tells her, "Victor numquam cedit." She wonders if this Victor is cute, but he explains that it's Latin for "Winners never quit." As he fixes her computer, he assures Naomi that she is many things but not a quitter. He tells her colleges give preference to well-rounded students and suggests she beef up her extracurriculars. She's not too keen on the idea of marching band or chess club, but she thinks there's something to this idea. And with that, she has a new mantra: "Victor numbnuts quidditch!"

School ends, and Annie catches up with the other girls in the parking lot. She immediately starts moaning about how crazy Emily is driving her. Since Emily twisted Annie's words on the yoga retreat and made the other girls think Annie ca

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