Knives to the Neck, Knives in the Back

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Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now!

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Knives to the Neck, Knives in the Back

By Lady Lola | Season 3 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.24.2011

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Naomi returns home and into Cannon's trap. He duct tapes her to a chair and sends a text message to lure over Silver, who leaves her love embrace with Navid under the impression that he will break up with AAdrianna. Silver arrives, gets a matching duct tape outfit, and joins Naomi in filming a command performance denial of all claims against Cannon. Cannon loses the upper hand when he gets greedy and demands Naomi take him to the bank to clean out her account. Under the pretense of prettying herself up, she blinds him with a can of hairspray. The girls bind the naughty professor up, and Naomi unleashes months of pent-up rage as she goes Extremities on his ass. Once she puts a knife to his neck, Silver's all, "Party's over!" They call the police, and Cannon is carted off to prison, where he'll probably wish that Naomi had finished the job.

And speaking of people getting their asses handed to them! In the wake of tabloids reports -- spread by her sleaze ball former manager Victor -- that AAdrianna stole Javier's songs, her publicity team scrambles to devise an exit strategy. They contrive to claim she developed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder when she saw him die in the car wreck. She takes this flimsy story onto a local morning show and, among other embarrassments, jankily refers to her go-to excuse as "PSTD." The anchor doesn't believe her line of bull for a second and proceeds to slaughter her. Victor joins the on-air gang bang, forcing AAdrianna to flee the interview and run into Navid's arms for consolation. Sorry, Silver, looks like that break-up speech is postponed indefinitely.

Despite AAdrianna's lies, we do get a good ol' case of PTSD for dear Ivy, who nearly drowns in a surfing accident. Dixon comes to her rescue, despite his lingering anger. They reach a temporary detente because he's too busy spending his psychic energy stressing over friendly pats on the back from Teddy that he misinterprets as come-ons after seeing Teddy kissing Ian at AAdrianna's Christmas party. Teddy finally confronts him on all the "no-homo" vibes, and Dixon promises to stand by the closet door and keep watch until otherwise instructed.

In D-plots, Annie and Liam agree they still have feelings for each other. She promises to break up with her Coffee Cutie, a.k.a. Charlie, a.k.a. Liam's half-brother, but is sidetracked when her annoying cousin Emily arrives in town. Before Annie can do the deed, CC catches up with him and makes amends for their lame back story involving an abusive step-father and a stolen credit card that somehow ruined Liam's youth. Frankly, I think I should get the apology for even have to commit this weak subplot to the eternity of the Internets. Regardless, CC's apology is enough to stir up Liam's conscience, so he asks Annie not to drop the hammer just yet because it would ruin his newly tight bromance. While Annie's head spins from that completely unwarranted turnaround, cousin Emily prepares her audition for Single White Female redux The Roommate by parading around La Casa Nueva in Annie's clothes and starting a stalkerphile for Liam on her mobile phone. Finally, a stalker plot. The writers have been listening to my prayers!

Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Previously: AAdrianna's head blew up as big as her single, so her sleazy agent Victor exacted some Hollywood justice on her. Teddy finally succumbed to his longings for Ian, and Dixon saw them kissing. Navid and Silver got their kiss on, too. As did Annie and Liam. And Naomi returned to a dark home, just seconds from realizing she's not alone...

We rejoin Naomi as she gets into her jammies for the night, complete with gratuitous bra-and-panties shot. She heads over to her makeup table and looks up with a start as she realizes that her rapist, former teacher Mr. Cannon is there, too. He turns on loud music to muffle her screams. She tries to run to the door, but he corners her and sticks a knife to her throat, claiming he "just wants to talk..."

Back at AAdrianna's party, Dixon backs away uncertainly from his eyeful of man-on-man kissing. The floor creaks under him, and Teddy goes into paranoia mode. Dixon sneaks out just in time, so Teddy strategizes a SWAT-style exit for himself and Ian so that no one will know they're leaving together. Ian gets a little irritated with all this artifice, but Teddy asks him to be patient with him for now.

Outside, Navid and Silver break from their face-smash. They're blissful and agree that they want to be together. Silver feels guilty for causing her best friend's break-up. Navid insists he has reasons to dump AAdrianna beyond his feelings for Silver. They decide to lay low for a while after the split and give AAdrianna time to move on.

Over at La Casa Nueva, Liam wakes up as Annie tries shame-walk out of his room. They purr at each other about feeling fantastic, though Annie admits she is confused. She feels bad about sleeping with her boyfriend's brother in her brother's bed. Say that five times fast! She asks him for space to figure out how she feels and what she wants to do next.

Cannon tapes Naomi to a chair as she tries to bargain with him. She promises she won't tell anyone what he's done if he just leaves her alone, but of course he doesn't believe her. He rages against her about her lies, her oozing sexuality, etc. He tells her she's going to make things right, but he needs Silver to come over first. Naomi refuses to call her, so he sends a text from Naomi's phone. Silver replies that she'll be there ASAP, and Cannon looks up at Naomi with evil in his eyes. Credits.

Silver leaves AAdrianna's house with a Baby-and-Johnny-style hand holding, dreamy eyes moment with Navid. I like these two! I give it two weeks before the show makes me hate them. Navid walks upstairs and into a shit storm. AAdrianna's publicist is in serious damage control mode while AAdrianna weeps Courtney Love circa 1994 tears down her pretty little face. She blubbers that Victor leaked the facts about her song-stealing ways. The PR drone tells AAdrianna (Addie? can we pick a less glamorous pop starlet nickname?) that she booked her on Hello LA the next day. It's up to AAdrianna to convince the public she took Javier's notebook in the midst of a PTSD-induced haze. She briefs AAdrianna on the nightmares, flashbacks, and psychological trauma she is supposed to have had that informed her poor decisions in the wake of Javier's sudden, traumatic death. AAdrianna says, with no hint of irony or self-awareness, "I can't believe this is happening to me," and collapses into Navid's arms. He's all, "So now's a bad time to break up then?"

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