Love Me Or Leave Me

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!
Heat & Defeat
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Ethan and Annie became America's smuggest couple. AAdrianna fell down the rabbit hole, eventually forcing Naomi to rip her a new asshole for being too busy ODing to bail Naomi out of a situation that was pretty much entirely of her own, over-permed making. By the time AAdrianna recovered, Naomi had formed an unholy alliance with The Blendeds, West Bev's answer to The Plastics. So AAdrianna comforted herself on lonely nights with never-been-tapped Navid, only to discover that she got knocked up somewhere in the K-hole. She ain't nothin' but a baby mama! Dump that, dump that baby mama!

As we open, Annie sits in front of a fan watching Kansan blizzard coverage. She complains to Ethan over the phone that her friends back in Kansas will get a snow day. Only Annie could find fault with perpetually warm, sunny weather. She says it's so hot, she's wearing "practically nothing." Ethan's ears perk up, and he asks, "What kind of nothing?" She fibs that she's wearing a black negligee, as opposed to the virgin-white tank dress and bra she's actually wearing. She starts to describe it all sexy-like, but Debbie cuts into Baby's First Phone Sex and tells her to hang up because it's late. Annie's a total brat, as always. They dispense of their good nights, but then a twist: Ethan tells Annie he loves her. She says it back, and they both beam. Ah, phone sex. The gateway to storybook romance!

The next morning, Annie and Dixon run lines for one of Tabitha's auditions. She changes a line because she doesn't think she's plausible as a grandma. Mmhmm. Annie notes that the film is about a female, 70-something, knitting Civil War hero, so plausibility is not so much a factor. Tabby runs the line as-is, then Debbie interrupts to ask why the air conditioner was off. Tabby says she turned it off to preserve her vocal chords. Of course Debbie takes issue with this, given the heat wave, but Tabby plays the "I paid for this house" card and shuts her up.

Debbie moves on, reminding the kids to do their chores. Tabby undercuts her, saying that's what the help is for. Debbie starts pulling out her iron fist, insisting she wants to instill good, wholesome Midwestern values into the young 'uns. An eyebrow-arching staring contest ensues, which the kids have to break up by conceding to do their chores. Annie asks Dixon if she can borrow the car to hang out with Ethan. He claims to have an extracurricular activity and intentionally does not name it, so she sticks him with the chores. As she heads out, Annie tells Tabby to break a leg for good luck, and Debbie snidely repeats, "Yeah, break a leg." More arched eyebrows from Tabby.

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