Previously: Ausscar the man-hour set about ruining the bond between Ivy and her MILF -- through sex. AAdrianna's sleazy agent's gamble paid off when she proved enough of a fame whore to do a little soft-core for a magazine cover shoot. And Navid's dad, he of the actual whores and actual porn, took a gamble on hiring underage performers. That bet might not work out so well...
We open with an Annie voice-over: "History is largely told as a chronicle of great people doing great things, but for most of us life is not made up of big moments, it's made up of small moments. And with every small choice, with every small decision, we are defining ourselves. Are we proud of ourselves, or are we disappointed by who we've become? Life rarely turns out the way that we planned. The unexpected happens, and it surprises us with new and exciting possibilities." Under her monologue, we see a montage of what will presumably be the final scenes of this evening's show: Dixon receives a mysterious package in the mail ("small moments"), Silver and Navid allow a hug and a gaze into each other's eyes to last longer than friends should ("we're defining ourselves"), Jen weeps desperately while handing over her baby to Matthews ("are we disappointed by who we've become?"), AAdrianna looks starry-eyed and self-satisfied as she walks down the red carpet with Joe Jonas ("Life rarely turns out the way we planned"), and Naomi looks seductively into Ausscar's eyes before leading him out of a party at the beach club ("new and exciting possibilities"). I'm not sure what's making me groan more -- Annie getting the first word or Joe Jonas existing. At all.
As we cut to one day earlier, Annie VOs, "But sooner or later, reality hits you in the face." Cue Dixon ambushing Ausscar with a beat down. To his credit, Ausscar recovers like his face his made of stone and nods, accepting that he brought that sucker punch on himself.
Elsewhere, AAdrianna consults her ladies about outfits for the launch party of her magazine cover. While she tries on her clothes, Naomi coaches her own red carpet-appropriate posing. AAdrianna walks out in a white one-shouldered number, securing all the girls approval. "I'd do ya," says Naomi, then orders AAdrianna to work on her smolder for the cameras. AAdrianna's phone rings, and it's sleazy Victor, who informs her she's taking Joe Jonas to the party, not Navid as she had previously planned. Victor tells her she has to attend this "major media event" with someone who will boost her profile and won't take no for an answer.