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Lady Lola: D- | Grade It Now!
Silver Meddle
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously: Silver be crazy.

We open exactly where we left off -- in Matthews' Melrose Place digs. Silver continues her conspiracy theorist ranting and grabs another wine bottle to fling at his head. Is it just me, or does Matthews have an endless supply of wine bottles on hand? That's not how it goes down in my house. They're there, then they're gone. No in between. No saving for a special occasion. A sign of alcoholism, perhaps? At any rate, Matthews continues his efforts to placate Silver. He offers to "call Dixon" and fess up to all his "lies." Silver briefly breaks eye contact to glance at the phone, and Matthews sweeps in to pin her down. Surprisingly, being physically restrained calms her down -- that or she was asphyxiated by fumes from Matthews' excessive hair gel.

Silver bawls about her disastrous romp into cinematic genius. She says she never knew Dixon at all. Matthews, still not quiiiite getting that she is certifiable bonkers, tries to talk some sense into her with the standard line that she doesn't have to have it all figured out. She's all, "Oh, but I do!" He tells her to get some rest and offers to call Kelly. She mentions her bleeding hand, so he runs to get bandages, all the while being tracked by Silver's crazy eyes. Matthews riffles around in his bathroom long enough to give Silver a chance to escape -- or wedge herself into the lamest hiding place ever under his teeny-tiny kitchen table. Doesn't take much to pull one over old Ryan Matthews, though, apparently, so he goes a-lookin' for her. She waits about a half a hot second before scampering out to find the nearest Nutters Anonymous meeting.

Across town, Annie and Ethan carry on with their tearful hilltop break-up. She gets a call from Debbie and has to go home immediately. Ethan offers to drive her.

What follows is a screenwriter's wet dream, as various groups (Debbie/Harry/Dixon and Matthews/Kelly) put together all the instances of Silver's breakdown up to this point, beginning with the loss of innocence, the acquisition of a tattoo, the amateur porn, and the break-in. Navid and AAdrianna join in from a Chinese restaurant, with Naomi chiming in from West Bev's parking lot. The scene crescendos as all of the above parties make a laundry list of all the possible drugs Silver could have ingested to bring her to this manic frenzy. AAdrianna is particularly useful in this capacity. Also thrown in for good measure? Naomi justifying why people would tape sexual encounters. And before you think this scene has too much going on, the writer shoehorns in a joke in which Naomi mistakenly believes that AAdrianna's pet name for Navid is "sesame balls." Ugh. Eventually, everyone resolves to find Silver. Dixon buries his face in his hands: "Oh God, what is happening?" Credits.

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