The whole gang returns to the Bev Niner after a three-month winter break, and let's just say home sweet home is not all its cracked up to be. Naomi has gained one helluva tan yet lost any semblance of chemistry with Liam. They go on an ultra-romantic beach date to rekindle things now that Jen's out of the picture. Unfortunately, they realize that Jen wasn't their only stumbling block to happily ever after. They have absolutely nothing to say to each other. Luckily there are no crickets on the beach to punctuate this point. Naomi graciously (or Mean Girl-ishly, depending on how you look at it) tries to mend fences with Ivy, but I can tell you that Billabong-bedecked bitch is up to no good and will creep up in Liam's pants like a bad saltwater rash the minute Naomi turns her back. The opportunity doesn't arise just yet, though, as Naomi decides to take matters into her own hands, complete with a sexy flasher trench coat and a boathouse rendezvous. Fifteen minutes later, they're still at a loss for conversation.
For her part, Silver has gained some perspective on the whole Teddy-Dixon love triangle but loses all dignity when she admits she wants to give it a go with Dixon. Silver isn't privy to it, but Teddy is still hurt from seeing Dixon kiss her at Winter Wonderland. He confronts Dixon about it, only to have Dixon lie that he and Silver are discreetly getting back together. Teddy lashes out by stepping up his Playboy Prick act, leaving Silver hurt and confused. Dixon capitalizes on this vulnerability and asks Silver to give their relationship another go.
Jasper gains strength in the misery of others. He blackmails Annie into dating him still by threatening to report her murderous past to authorities. The good times include throwing rocks into the ocean and some run-of-the-mill peeping and molestation. And then there's Navid. Poor, stupid Navid. He hatches a plot to take Jasper down once and for all by planting some cocaine in his locker then tipping off the administration. Jasper didn't get to the top of the West Bev drug chain for nothing, though, and he pulls a reverse plant on Navid, ricocheting our witless informant into the hands of the authorities.
In also-rans, AAdrianna struggles with sober living but finds solace in Samantha Ronson wannabe Gia (Rumer Willis). And Debbie makes peace with that hooch Kelly, and even offers to set her up with a sexy yoga teacher. But lo! Debbie proves a bit hypocritical by knowingly allowing the yoga stud to harbor an arm-stroking, smoldering-sex-eyes crush on her. Who's the hooch now, Deb?
Three months ago: It was winter. And boy those kids were attaching themselves to one another like bunnies stuck in their burrow holes for months on end. Liam and Ivy were hooking up, despite his lingering feelings for Naomi. So Ivy stepped aside like the friendly surfer chick she is and hooked up the former lovahs. Then Teddy kissed Silver, who then got jealous when some new skank in a red dress showed up to the Winter Wonderland formal and was all up in Teddy's bizness. Turns out she's his sister, which Dixon knows and conveniently didn't tell Silver because seeing Teddy and Silver getting closer revived his feelings for her. So he kissed her. Naturally Teddy saw that go down. Meanwhile, everyone else staged an Annie-vention to get her out of the thrall of her dope-slingin' bf Jasper, formerly known as Kris (Allen) Jr. But frankly, it's been so damn long I'm not going to bother confusing you people with tenuous nicknames with year-old cultural references in them. It's hard enough to keep track of the main cast with hiatuses like these. Plus I suspect Jasper won't be around long anyway. Just long enough to destroy Annie's life, though! Lest we forget, she's a drunk-drivin' hobo killer. The hobo in question was Jasper's rich uncle. And he knows everything! Suck on it, Annie. If only they would renegotiate your contract like they did your dad's.
We rejoin the residents of West Beverly Senior Center to the sounds of "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree." Wait, have we gone back in time or forward? Anyhow, Naomi and Silver share a limo on the way back from their winter break vacation. Silver attempts to tell Naomi about her New Year's resolution, but Naomi's too busy texting a million times a minute with Liam. Cut to Liam, surfing with Dixon and officially "text-whipped." The respective pairs discuss what's going down with Silver and Dixon, and it is independently agreed that they'll hash it out when school starts back up.
Over at La Nueva Casa, Debbie prepares a celebratory dinner for the family. She tells Harry that Annie will be returning home from visiting Tabitha (how I miss that old bag!) in Vegas and seems to have a stank-free attitude these days. Miracle on the Strip! As Harry sets up the table, Debbie looks through the mail and suspiciously eyes an invite to a fundraiser that Kelly -- who is also not long for this world -- is certain to attend. He assures her he has avoided Kelly since he found out about her crush on him, but Debbie says she won't let anyone else's issues determine her schedule. She's going to the damn fundraiser. How very Real Housewives of her. Hopefully she gets "naked wasted" or at least flips a table.
Elsewhere, Dixon drives Annie home from the airport, and they seem to have completely patched up their relationship. He talks to her about his rekindled feeling for Silver and how he's going to talk with her tomorrow. This gives Annie a case of the angst about seeing Jasper the next day. Dixon tells her she already did the hard part and broke up with him, so it could be worse. Yeah, like he could tell everyone she's a murderer. That could be worse. Oh, remember those quaint days when Annie's biggest problem was AAdrianna boffing Ty behind her back? Now she's cashed in her V-card to a sociopath pusher who's blackmailing her. Speak of the twee devil, the kids arrive home. When Annie drops off her luggage upstairs, she finds flowers with a note from Jasper -- and the window suspiciously open. Dun-dun-dun!
The next morning, Naomi and Silver are the first to arrive at West Bev. Naomi is fixating on her leathery brown skin (which is apparently not tan enough) and chirping about some party that weekend at the beach club when they awkwardly run into AAdrianna. They exchange pleasantries, which only serve to remind AAdrianna how not involved she is in their lives. They split up and head inside. Before they get there, we find Liam and Dixon chatting with Navid. He went to Northern California and has inexplicably come back with a bag of white powder. Given Navid's intense battle with AAdrianna to get her off the drugs, I am not as ready to jump to the conclusion that it's Navid taken to the nose candy. But I don't have salt water sloshing around my brain like Dixon and Liam. So there's that. Credits.
We return to outtakes from Blow, and Navid explains that he only has the drugs so he can plant them in Jasper's locker, then tip off the authorities. He points to a nearby sign that says, "If you see something illegal, say something! You are not a rat. You are a hero." He thinks his janky little sting operation will make him the latter. On a side note, I love how Navid had to go to Northern California to get coke. Because nobody does cocaine in L.A. And he's so smug about it. It's kind of endearing. Liam and Dixon confirm that this is a crap plan -- even worse than his "Boys of Blaze" idea. But Navid will not be dissuaded and even has a notion to get hold of a master list of student locker combinations from the principal's office. And guess who he needs to get it? Dixon! Who swiftly rejects him.
Down the hall, Annie opens her locker to spy Jasper in her vanity mirror, horror-movie style. He swoons how much he missed her, so she doesn't mince words. She tells him they're over, she's breaking up with him. He threatens to tell the police about her hobo homicide tendencies. She starts to cry and asks why he's doing this to her. He tells her that he loves her and wants them to put their mistakes behind them. If she promises to do so, he'll keep her secret. He extends his hand, and she takes it, proving blackmail is the surest way to a woman's heart. Naomi and Silver see them walking hand-in-hand and disapprove.
Some time later, Dixon finds Silver alone in a room and broaches the topic of their kiss at the formal. She blurts out that it was obviously a mistake, that she was feeling vulnerable after Teddy rejected her, and maybe she just jumped to conclusions. Dixon, obviously taken aback, silently rides the wave of rejection as Silver says she's going to talk to Teddy later. He says he'll talk to her later before slumping out of the room like Charlie Brown.
Outside, Naomi sits down at Ivy's lunch table and starts up a little small talk. Ivy mistakenly thinks Naomi is actually interested in her grrrrl power comic book and starts yammering about the characters. Naomi cuts her off: "Whoa! Spoiler alert!" Pretty masterful if I do say. Also, hilarious. She gets down to business and thanks Ivy for stepping aside for her and Liam. She even brought her a gift back from vacay. It's a leopard-print Fendi baguette with red accents, a complete 180 from Ivy's actual taste (if you can consider her Quiksilver sale rack wardrobe taste). Quoth Naomi, "I hope you don't have one already!" Ivy assures her she doesn't.
On the football field, Teddy and Dixon have conveniencidentally been paired up for UFC-style sparring practice. And this is where Teddy gets his rage out. To his credit, he confronts Dixon to his face about kissing Silver instead of just beating the crap out of him. Though there is a bit of that, too. He asks if there's something going on between them. Instead of saying no, as an honest person would do, Dixon tells Teddy he and Silver are considering getting back together but want to keep things on the DL. What a D-bag.
Back outside, Annie sits at a table alone (unless you count her eight-inch long roots). She wistfully watches all the normal, un-blackmailed people. Naomi and Silver join her and ask about her break before asking her about Jasper. She tells them it's complicated. They beg to differ -- he's a pusher, a creep, and greasy (Naomi adds this at the end because it's clearly the worst sin in her mind). Annie tells them to back off and storms away.
Silver heads back inside and finds Teddy. She broaches the subject of the dance, but he cuts her off telling her she was right about him: "Once a player, always a player." She is obviously hurt, and so is he but just shows it differently. Specifically, by throwing in her face the names of all the possible girls he might take to the beach party that weekend. He gives her a smug grin, and she walks off. He watches her go, and his smirk reveals a bit of regret. They part ways, and Navid passes into view. Jasper crosses his path, and Navid smarmily calls out to him like they're bros or something. Hint for Hero Navid: Don't make it quite so obvious when you're about to single-handedly try to take someone down. Especially a drug dealer. Down the corridor, Naomi finds Dixon to tell him about Annie and Jasper. She agrees that it's not her place to interfere but thinks Annie might listen to him.
Across town, AAdrianna gets out of her AA meeting and runs into Gia (a.k.a. Rumer Willis), who is also in recovery -- and has gotten even more Sam Ronson-esque over the break. RuWill asks if AAdrianna would like to join some of the others for a bowling game, but AAdrianna respectfully declines. She says she doesn't want AA to be her whole life. RuWill says she thought AAdrianna could use some friends who understand what she's going through. AAdrianna claims her