An earthquake hits Beverly Hills, underscoring the crumbling infrastructure inside each of the characters' lives. Naomi claims she was canoodling with Robert Pattinson on the Riviera all summer, but really she was hiding out in a flea bag motel (named the Riviera -- points for writing what you know!), struggling with her unstable financial situation and the aftermath of Canon raping her. When she returns to school and finds that her rapist has not transferred to London as promised, she momentarily considers pressing charges before realizing she doesn't have a leg to stand on, legally. Instead of consulting a therapist, she decides turning into a drunken slut is just the ticket.
Naomi's sexual compensation reaches so far as to entangle Teddy, who is reeling after an injury from the earthquake shatters his hopes of becoming a competitive tennis player any time soon. Instead of appreciating Silver's optimism and consolation, he gets wasted and tells her she's a talentless wench, then very nearly falls for Naomi's advances. Silver predictably walks in at exactly the wrong moment. Her vulnerability will certainly come in handy for Canon, who has been assigned her senior project advisor.
Annie -- who is fresh out of the ankle bracelet from her hit-and-run-induced summer of house arrest -- has a different advisor entirely in that sad sack we've all come to know and hate, Ryan Matthews. He encourages Annie to apply for a fall internship at a local theater company, assuring her that her murderous records are sealed and she can turn over a new leaf. Of course she does exactly the opposite and wigs out at the interview, belching out every last detail of her pathetic life from the manslaughter to her parents' divorce. It's exactly what the unscrupulous hiring boss ordered, though, and Annie gets the internship because she seemed desperate enough to do whatever nefarious plans Trina Theatermeister has in mind. Ironically, the one new leaf Annie does turn over is some bunk new policy of all honestly, all the time. Within the course of the episode she manages to win back the affection of Liam, whom she totally abandoned during her summer of infamy, only to spurn his romantic overtures and effectively end their friendship. So, let's recap: Alone, desperate, self-obsessed and utterly useless as life. That's our Annie!
Dixon is faring only slightly better. After leaving Australia early to tend to his broken-hearted mama in the midst of her divorce proceedings, he sees Ivy for the first time in three months. Only she's not alone. Attached at her hip is a rakish Australian named Oscar, a family friend who smugly tells Dixon that he once saw Ivy "in her knickers." Dixon burns with jealousy, which we discover is a spot-on instinct thanks to a vomit-inducing afternoon sex dream featuring Ivy and Oscar. Ivy tries to shrug it off and quickly (read: guiltily) reciprocates when Dixon apologizes and says he loves her. Of course it's all going to go down in flames, because Oscar arrogantly calls Ivy out for wanting her and tells her the feeling's mutual (nay, palpable!)... mind you, that's just before he heads down the hall and fucks her mother. Classy.
And then there's AAdrianna... She returns from her summer tour with Navid Lite, who quickly informs her that he's dropping her from his show and that she will never be a successful because she is not as gifted as he. Before you can say, "He had it coming," NL is plowed down by oncoming traffic. He leaves behind a book full of songs that AAdrianna immediately pilfers. She sets a date to preview her new songs to Ivy's MILF ASAP. But it stings the worst when she performs a solo show for Navid, who admits he was "only lukewarm" on her old material but says this new stuff is the best she's ever written. Sadly for all of us, it's still only as good as the writers of this show can muster.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see the 90210 question that will Never Be Answered. And see what vloggers Val and Beth think of the show below!
Want to immediately access TWoP content no matter where you are online? Download the free TWoP toolbar for your web browser. Already have a customized toolbar? Then just add our free toolbar app to get updated on our content as soon it's published.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Last season: Annie and Liam shared their deepest, darkest, most criminally devious secrets with one another. When Jasper spied their blooming relationship, he blew some shit up. Dixon and Ivy planned a trip down Australia way. Silver and Teddy were on again, despite her ability to distract him from his future in tennis. Matthews knocked Jen up, then she knocked him down by telling him he'd have no part in the little demon spawn's life. AAdrianna ditched Navid to tour for the summer with his pop-singing knock-off. Harry and Debbie are dunzo. And Naomi very well may have been raped.
West Bev. Debbie drops off Annie and an overly jubilant Dixon -- who keeps screaming "Senior year, baby!" -- for their first day of school. She beats empty nest syndrome to the punch by welling up before they even have the chance to get into college. Never fear, though, because she shelves those emotions as only Martha Stewart could do by planning their annual back-to-school dinner. Apparently nothing says "Enjoy your last nine months of coddling" like bouillabaisse. She wishes them good luck and shouts out a "Senior year, babies!" for good measure.
Is that an echo I hear? Nope, just Navid. He's just as into this obnoxious "Senior year, baby!" crap as you'd expect. He congratulates Annie on finishing her house arrest sentence and getting through the psychological trauma of her hit-and-run. Don't you just love how Annie killed a man, and all anyone wants to know is whether she's recovered emotionally? Adding to that, she begrudgingly reminds them that she's still on probation for the foreseeable future. Yeah, because being on a tight leash with Debbie is totally just as bad as actual prison. She is the worst.
As they walk, she assures Navid that everything is back to normal, and normal is all she wants for her senior year. They run into Teddy and Silver. The guys slap high-fives and start planning their freshman torture techniques. For her part, Silver's consumed with perfecting her senior project so she can get into a kick-ass film school. What's that, Silver? You don't think your sophomore year amateur porno with hints of low-rent Bergman isn't going to seal deal at USC's admissions department? Teddy thinks his life on the cusp of the professional tennis circuit would make a great documentary. Dixon asks whether Teddy's really going to make the jump, and Teddy says this year will make or break his chances. Annie says that must be a lot of pressure. Navid jokes that "Pressure is a Persian father at college application time."
Television Without Pity • © 2013 Bravo Media LLC • A Division of NBCUniversal •
Comments