Previously on a show that was much cooler when its cast members were all 10+ years older than their characters and wore high-waisted, acid-washed, tapered jeans: The Wilson clan moved to LA and tried to suffuse the titular zip code with their love of family bowling nights while the currents of (gasp!) adultery and (gawp!) alcoholism roiled beneath the surface. Also, we laid the groundwork for some of the most boring couplings of our time -- Kelly Taylor/Ryan Matthews and Annie/Ty/Ethan/Naomi. Let's just hope this episode doesn't suck as much as the last one, kids, or we're in for a very... long... season.
Harry (a.k.a. the hunk of man meat formerly known as "Sgt. Chris Lorenzo") saunters into the breakfast nook to tell Annie that her drama teacher -- the one who overlooked her "Sun'll Come Out TOMORROW!" singing style and spastic dance moves to miscast her in the chorus of West Bev's production of Spring Awakening -- has abandoned her post as misguider of artistic mediocrity to attend to a family emergency.
Annie is upset. How else will she embarrass herself in front of hundreds of cruel, entitled teenagers who are already primed to hate her? But never fear, Lucille Bluth (hip-hip hooray for the return of Gangy!) offers her services. I hope she gives them tips on how to deliver an elegant full-frontal scene. Any aspiring actress needs to know how to avoid being initiated to onscreen nudity in the same way as Coco from Fame.
But I digress... Lucille is super-excited to go all Whore-ence Nightingale on the wounded theater, not to mention having something to do besides drink "iced tea" and write her "memoirs" all day. The rest of the clan musters up their Midwestern propriety while accepting Lucille's help. Lucille immediately starts reminiscing about the lessons she learned as a novice actor. Naturally, one of them involves breathing out your ass.
Over at Naomi's house, the Princess Fried is wearing a strapless minidress that looks like the love child of an old French Maid's uniform and a Hostess cupcake. They're inexplicably getting photos taken for their Christmas card (in September). Awkward tension and snipes from Naomi ensue. It's a lame scene, and even the photographer knows it. It's so lame that not even a slap bracelet rhythmic routine could save it.
Back at Casa Wilson, Dixon Carlton dances right on into the breakfast room. Lorenzo continues to chug along on the bad news train. Because Dixon is too lame to receive personalized bad news, Lorenzo tells him about the family's tight finances. Dixon gets distressed since his only friend is currently fresh out of the homeless shelter like Silver, but Lorenzo assures him everything will be fine.