It's that time again -- time for West Bev's Homecoming Dance! And boy does a lot go down! Jackée even travels all the way from the '80s to make an appearance. That is, when the show's music supervisors aren't reading way too far into Ne-Yo's "Closer."
Annie & Ethan, conspire to meet up for their non-date dance date. They assume that Naomi will roll with it since she and Ethan are finished. What they don't realize, however, is that Naomi is utterly self-absorbed and a semi-professional victim who will grasp wildly at a burgeoning friendship with Annie. This friendship conveniently gives her reason to ask Annie not to date Ethan. (Never mind that Naomi is making the most of her post-drug-bust relegation to detention by finding a Crazy/Beautiful-style Latino boyfriend.) Annie submits to Naomi's pleas but then makes out with Ethan anyway.
Someone who really should not be at the school dance is AAdrianna, who is fresh off the gurney and busy completing Steps 3 & 4 of her 12-step evolution into Lohan. Step 3: Rehab. Step 4: Lesbian fixation -- on Naomi, a rather ill-suited butch if you ask me. AAdrianna sends Naomi scads of apologetic text messages, which are summarily deleted. Navid shows up at AAdrianna's rehab center, and she takes advantage of his sudden devotion to send Naomi a personal message. That fails, so AAdrianna abandons rehab to unsuccessfully stalk down her lez-be-friend. She is one foot off the wagon when Navid in Shining Armor halts the drug deal and admits that he like-likes her and paid for her rehab.
Navid can't be around to foil all the drug deals, though, so Matthews takes it upon him to squelch one between fake student-slash-narc Kimberly and some truant. Matthews marches Kim to Harry for her reckoning, so she is forced to break it to him that he's not the only sheriff in town. He happily finds the statutory silver lining and pulls her in for some smooching when he realizes she's legal.
As for the rest of the Wilsons, Dixon pretends he's not into schmaltzy high school stuff and foregoes the dance to nurse Silver after she gets her wisdom teeth taken out. As Silver comes down from her pain meds high, she comes to her sense just in time to accompany Dixon to the dance. Less harmonious are Harry and Debbie, who are still roiling with tension over Crazy Eyes and the bastard child. Debbie finally proves she's one bad-ass M.F. by threatening to punch a bitch if she doesn't stop using a 20-year-old mistake to shoehorn her way into Harry's life.
Come back on Thursday for the full weecap of this episode. Until then, compare the old cast with the new cast.
Previously: West Bev's new student, Kimberly, turned out to be a narc in teen's clothing. Annie and Ethan edged toward coupledom. Crazy Eyes Mama Clark grasped at her one remaining tie to Harry -- a 20-year-old son that Harry just found out about, like, five minutes ago -- in hopes of destroying his marriage. And AAdrianna's taste for the hard stuff landed her in a seizure on a crack den floor while Naomi took the wrap.
The music supervisor does his very best to kick off the episode with the most pointed possible musical reference as The Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up" pumps over shots of a student posting up pictures of sophomore Homecoming Court nominees (including Ethan, Naomi, and AAdrianna). The music continues as we cut to the grown-ups (hey!). Harry and Debbie discuss his days in Homecoming Court with Crazy Eyes. Debbie notes that Harry actually aged, whereas Crazy Eyes looks exactly the same -- thanks to plenty of Botox Cosmetic and bird poop facials, I'm sure. Debbie reminds Harry that she has good reason to hate on Crazy Eyes since that home-wreckin' harlot crept up on her mans, but she promises to confine her smart remarks to the breakfast table.
Annie and Dixon enter. He quizzes her for her driving permit test. Harry gives her great incentive to pass by offering her the chance to valet Debbie and him to the Homecoming dance tomorrow. Dixon is understandably disheartened that his parents will be stirring the punch bowl at his first big West Bev rite of passage. Nonetheless, he's excited to take Silver for a fancy night of dinner and dancing. Annie, on the other hand, is dateless. Gee, I wonder why?
Filler shots, including a pan over the 405 that looks not unlike footage of O.J. Simpson's 1994 Bronco chase. Way to conjure youthful vigor and opulence, editors! At school, Silver reassures Annie that Ethan will ask her to the dance -- especially in light of their almost-kiss and his break-up with Naomi (this one's gotta take, right?). They spot the aforementioned Homecoming Court pictures and have a weird exchange about asking Ethan's picture out while Naomi's picture looks on. I swear, they're thisclose to making out with pillows.
Annie takes off, and Dixon cuddles up to Silver. He asks her to the dance, and she gives him an emphatic "No!" She says it represents everything wrong with high school. Poor Dixon! He mentally packs up his crisp, new suit and says he thought girls like dances. Silver reminds him she's not like most girls. Though, actually she is like a lot of teen girls -- angsty, alienated, affected, ass-y. He suggests they go anyway and make fun of people, but she tells him she's getting her wisdom teeth removed. She invites him over to make fun of her chipmunk teeth and take care of her. They seal the deal with a kiss.