Dixon tries out for the lacrosse team. He does so well in the two seconds he's on the field that the coach (Mr. Matthews! What a multitasker!) makes him a starter and demotes Obnoxious George. Even the marching band sitting in the stands is psyched about Dixon's moves! That doesn't go over well, and George starts a fight. Dixon responds in kind, and trouble starts brewing.
The Wilson family is eating a meal, and Grandma is giving Dixon tips on how to win a fight. Specifically (and awesomely), she tells him to "grab onto those jewels and twist them like a garbage bag." Harry advises Dixon to control his temper, but Grandma thinks the whole thing was "racially motivated." Harry promises to talk to the coach and work it out. Annie switches subjects and secures permission to go to Naomi's party, since her dad "knows the family." Yeah, he knows them all right.
Dixon and Annie lie in bed together (?) and Annie confides what she saw Ethan doing (or receiving) in the parking lot. Dixon thinks Ethan doesn't really want to be with Naomi, even though she's beautiful, because she's a pain in the ass.
Naomi, Ethan, and Adrianna go out to a club. Adrianna takes special notice of the wad of cash Naomi pulls out of her purse to pay the cover charge. At the bar, Naomi runs into Mr. Matthews at the bar, and he gives her shit for being there when she has a paper due. They flirt some more, and he tells the bartender that Naomi is underage.
Naomi's mom shows up at Casa Wilson and wants to reminisce about their youthful exploits while drinking an entire bottle of wine. Harry tries to hustle her out of there, but Debbie finally brings things to a head (no pun intended) by suggesting that she and Mrs. Clark swap stories about Harry's penis. That does the trick, and Mrs. Clark drives home drunk. Responsible!
Annie shows off her party dress to her parents. Her grandmother notes that you could crack an egg on Annie's ass, and grandma knows this is possible, because Ricardo Montalban did that to her in her younger days. Love her. Harry tries to get Annie to wear a less revealing dress and Grandma calls him "Jedidiah the Amish Farmer" and tells him to go churn some butter.
At the club, Ethan tells Naomi how George is pressuring him to say that Dixon started their fight. Have I mentioned how not cute Ethan is? Naomi doesn't get why Ethan would lie for someone he doesn't like, and Ethan tells her that she's not into anything like a team sport so she wouldn't get it. He storms off, and she follows, which gives Adrianna the opportunity to steal Naomi's purse.