Crossroads a-plenty… and not the ones where Annie plows down unsuspecting itinerants, either!

Speaking of that drivin' maniac, Annie is happily settling into an almost-dating groove with the nephew of the man she murdered -- I will never stop pointing out how weird that is -- when Date Rape Mark decides to jam his pecker back into her life. Partly because his jock friends make fun of him for being thrown by the wayside for an outcast loser that looks like Kris Allen's Mini Me. Partly because he's date-raped all the other sophomores and doesn't want to have to resort to the freshmen until second semester. He plants some doubt in Annie's mind about Kris Jr. being a knife-wielding maniac and whatnot. Instead of considering the source, Annie passive-aggressively calls things off with Kris Jr. and proceeds to hop into DRM's car for a night out on the town. And by "on the town" we obviously mean in a secluded spot where he can ply her with California chardonnay and date-rape her some more. Not at all un-creepily, Kris Jr. appears from nowhere to save his fair damned-sel. They pick back up where they started just in time for Kris Jr. to take his knife-wielding skillz over to DRM's house to eff up his car real good.

And speaking of picking back up where things left off, AAdrianna rashly decides to drop sweet, predictable Navid for his polar opposite, that capricious, beachy-blonde rogue Teddy. After a day of scampering on the beach and making out without abandon, AAdrianna is practically picking out the music for their first dance at the wedding. The record scratches, and Teddy reminds her that he's way too horny and self-obsessed to love anyone more than himself. For Teddy, you see, it's only casual flings. Slapped up by reality, AAdrianna stumbles back to Navid to patch things up. Thanks God for all of us, he displays a morsel of self-respect and tells her not to let the door hit her on the way out.

Naomi should have done the same for Jen. Instead, she lets the worthless fortune squanderer continue to plow through her trust fund. This time to the tune of $100,000. Jen claims it's to keep her hotshot divorce lawyer on retainer so she can get half of her ex's money, but it's really so she can buy a purebred race horse to make them millions at the track. What a great plan! You know, since horses never break legs and have to be shot and stuff. D'oh!

Speaking of washed-up old nags that should probably be put out of their misery, Jackie weasels her way back into Kelly and Silver's life. In light of her terminal cancer diagnosis (which has yet to be independently confirmed by any doctors, I might add), Jackie capitalizes on Silver's regret for tearing her a new one at last week's AA meeting. She invites Silver to move back in with her. Silver flinches at this suggestion and consults Kelly about Jackie's imminent death and return to their lives. Kelly tells Jackie to go off into the woods and leave poor, bipolar Silver alone. Jackie concedes to this, but only after telling Silver this was all at Kelly's suggestion. Her manipulations work, driving a wedge between Kelly and Silver, and driving Silver back into the emotionally tumultuous environs that triggered her mental disorder in the first place.

You want stability then, eh? Well you won't find it at the Nueva Casa. Not this week. Instead we've got Wild Man Harry, out on the prowl and partying with Matthews like it's 1992! He suckers the hapless teach into a boys' night out on the town, where they chit-chat like catty girls and commiserate about the confounding women in their lives. For Harry it's mopey Annie, bossy Deb and enigmatic Kelly. For Matthews it's Jen "Excuse Me While I Blow My Sugar Daddy" Clark. Matthews solves his problems by picking up a number from a bartender with low hair hygiene standards. Harry solves nothing, comes home already hung-over, and inadvertently calls Debbie "Kelly." Oh Harry, your headache has only just begun.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which era of 90210 vloggers Val and Beth think is less realistic in TV is the Answer!