X Factor
Boot Camp #2

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Putting the "Boot" in "Boot Camp"

Coming up on time to break the news. Again, they're going up in groups, but they're separated by their categories this time instead of into winners and losers. "Only eight names per category will be called out," Steve says. "For those who don't hear their name, their dream ends today." And they'll be sent home with mandatory psychoactive drugs to make sure they don't do any unauthorized dreaming.

The "girls" go in first, in a category that includes all solo females up to age 30 and whose name still makes me feel creepy. They slowly announce names: Caitlin Koch, that tattooed mechanic chick Tora, Simone Battle (WTF?), Drew Ryniewicz (the youngest so far), Rachel Crow (no shock), Jazzlyn Little (she's shocked), Melanie Amaro (whose so shocked she can barely get off the stage). It falls to Simon to announce the name of the last person, and it's Tiah Tolliver. So the people who are done include Paige Ogle, Cari Fletcher, Ma'at, Carmen...? Caroline? I'm sorry, I'm just making up names at this point. They all cry the same anyway. And by this time tomorrow, any one of them who has a brain in her head is going to be pretty cheesed off about losing to Simone Fucking Battle.

Boys next: Brennin Hunt, who didn't even get to finish last night; Brian Bradley, who looks happy enough that he might even let you look at his mom; Skyelor Anderson; Nick Voss; Tim Cifers, who we just met tonight; Philip Lomax, who will live to cheese another day, and Marcus Canty. One slot left, and it's no shock that it goes to Chris Rene. So that's it for Nick Dean, Clayton Whosits, and a crying boy whose attempt to win favor by wearing a backwards baseball cap just comes off a little sad and desperate at this point.

Time for the groups. Going on are the Stereo Stereo Hogzz, 2Squar'd, 4Shore, the Brewer Boys, and Illusion Confusion (who I'm not convinced we've even heard yet). I'm only counting five, but Simon says there's one place left, and it's going to the Answer. Hard cheese for Kingston, and Makenna & Brock. He's never going to tap that now.

Finally, the Over 30s. Of course they save the real career-killing for last. Elaine Gibbs, the grandmother, is named first. Also Tiger Budbill, who's going to miss the auction of his house if he doesn't lose soon. Leroy Bell's also in. Everyone's getting hugs from everyone in this category. They step right out of line, they don't give a shit. They either stay in the competition or they go straight to the nursing home. Then there's James Kenny, who I think we just met last night. The judges are really drawing this one out. Josh the Burrito Guy gets through, and I don't think he'll even be expected to pick up tortillas on his way to his judge's house. Christa Collins also goes through, and she collapses as theatrically as she dresses. Out in the lobby, Steve almost literally fingerpaints with her eyeliner. Dexter Haygood is also through, so that's another person's house he's going to be staying at. Both he and Paula break down in sobs, and L.A. tells Dexter, "You always thought it was over, and it's tie to start believing. He and Paula hug and cry, and I'm 93.45233% sure he was the guy she saved. So who gets the last slot? The stage still holds Audrey Turner, Siameze, and Gina Rene, but it goes to Stacy Francis, who's going to completely dehydrate if she doesn't stop crying like this all the time. The Over 30 losers have to pick her up off the stage so she can make it back to the lobby and cry into Steve's shirt. Now I see why he's wearing the plaid today. L.A. tells Gina that her brother made it, and she marvels to Steve, "He's gonna do it." Josh tells us this is great, but he needs to go to the end. Or at least be the guy whose exit shocks everyone and then he gets a career out of it anyway. James Kenny tells his cell phone, "Daddy did a good job singing, so he's gonna be on TV singing a little bit more, is that cool?" Sounds like it is. Aww.

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