Vampire Diaries

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Ooh, That's Gotta Sting!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Stefan's century of secret. Elena is a dead-ringer for Katherine. Stefan tells Damon their love for Katherine wasn't real. Damon tells Stefan to speak for himself. Katherine and more than two dozen other vampires are in a tomb under the old church ruins -- magically sealed for freshness! Jonathan Gilbert's journal points the way to Emily Bennett's grimoire that contains the secrets Damon needs to bust Katherine out of that tomb on the tail on the frog on the bump on the branch on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea. Stefan says he'll help Damon, but he's lying. Anna (a vampire) is using Jeremy to get to the same information Damon seeks. Anna snatches Elena from Gilbert Gables.

Now: Elena wakes in a strange motel room. She tries to slip by the dozing Ben McKittrick and out the door. I yell at her to open the curtains and burn him up, but she doesn't listen and starts fiddling around with the locks. Ben Stealth-Salvatores her before she can turn the knob. He then attempts to compel her to not escape and not move. Elena's wearing her Vervain necklace, but he doesn't know that, so she feigns compulsion. Once his back is turned she whips open the door, but Anna is just coming in, damn the luck. Anna berates Ben while she throws Elena in the bathroom. Elena's looking for a way out until she sees a body lying in the tub. It's Bonnie!

Theme Song!

Mossy Manse: Stefan knows Damon got the journal from Anna, so he asks him for any information that will help him get Elena back from Anna. Damon won't budge. Stefan tells Damon he knows that he (Stefan) is the source of the trouble between them, and makes a totally sincere, heartfelt (and yet unabashedly opportunistic) apology for Katherine's capture and entrapment. Damon does that thing where he acts like he's acting vulnerable. That is to say he pretends to be emotional over this to cover how emotional this is making him. Stefan doesn't even wait for his apology to cool in Damon's ears before he again asks for any information that might help him find Elena. They're standing so close that I think they're going to kiss, but alas, it is not to be. Instead, Damon says, "I mean this, sincerely: I hope...Elena...dies." He walks off and we cut to...

Motel Bathroom: Elena applies a wet cloth to Bonnie's face and revives her. When Bonnie starts to talk, Elena shushes her and points to her ears to remind Bonnie vampires have bionic hearing. She then runs the faucet, hoping to drown out their whispered conversation. She catches Bonnie up on all that's been going on -- that all the fang gangers want Emily Bennet's grimoire and a witch to open up Katherine's tomb. Just then, Ben bursts in and turns off the water. Bonnie must have been conked on the head pretty hard, because the first thing she tells Ben is that there's no way she'll help him. He grabs Elena and explains that he expects her BFF will be all the motivation she needs. He then throws Elena out into the main room, to talk to Anna, who tells her she is a dead ringer...wait for it...for Katherine. One of these days, I want Elena to throw a five-star hissy fit upon hearing that comparison. Don't you? Anyhow, Anna also reveals she's been be "practically dating" Jeremy (which we humans would define as stalking), just to rub salt in the wound.

The Grill: Jeremy snickers at Tyler (who's finally back), who is telling Matt that Duke the Douche from Duke is having a 10-keg kegger in the woods. When Ty asks Jeremy what his problem is, Germ says he doesn't have one, and it's the same shit every week with these two. Thank goodness, here's Caroline to change the subject. She's frustrated that she can't reach Elena and Bonnie to tell them about the party, and bitches to Germ that she'll never be one of those girls who disappears just because she has a boyfriend, but Germ doesn't pick up on her subtle hint that SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND! Caroline takes this lack of interest in her shiny (not sparkly) new boyfriend with aplomb though, and invites Jeremy to the party, but he's not so sure he's interested. That's totally okay, because like us, Caroline's really there to see Matt, and here he is.

Hi Pudding Pop! Caroline tells Matt she has a "fully scripted and well-rehearsed" speech for him. He's all, "Uh, speech?" so Caroline explains: It's a You Kissed Me and I Don't Want Things to be all Weird-speech. "It's preemptive." She's afraid he's having second thoughts or regrets -- so she blurts it out: "I know that you don't think that this is going to work out between us. I just want to let you know that right here and right now, I'm offering you an out. Like an escape clause." Matt says, "Why are you giving me an escape clause?" No kidding. Maybe I've been married for too long, but isn't dating a giant escape clause? Oh, that's sort of Caroline's point. She doesn't want to assume they're dating -- and tells Matt if he wants to exercise the escape clause then he should. He smiles. "I'm good, thanks." Caroline does the math and they make plans to get together for Duke's party. Everybody smiles and blushes. Even me.

Second-Site Shack: Damon knocks on the Bennett door and when Grams answers, he says he's looking for Bonnie. Sheila is all kick-ass, and says Bonnie will never be home for him. Damon wants to know how she can hate him when she doesn't know him. She says he has a hell of a nerve to be asking a Bennett witch for anything. When he's all "What'd I do?" she reminds him that spirits talk, "And so does my granddaughter. You are no friend to us. Now get off my porch." Damon walks right up to the threshold. "Step outside and say that." Sheila steps right the hell outside, and as she does, Damon grabs his head and doubles-over in pain. Oh man, I need that insta-migraine spell. We can hear the blood pounding through his brain as she tells him, "I am not Bonnie. You don't want to mess with me." She goes back inside and slams the door behind her, but then leans against it and breathes a shaky sigh of relief.

Motel: Anna tells Elena that she just wants to rescue her mom, Pearl. She adds that nobody she knows wants to see Katherine again. "Except Damon -- love struck idiot." She blames Katherine for her mother's capture but has some special bitterness set aside for Jonathan Gilbert -- who took her away. Our recently orphaned Elena apologizes for Anna's pain. Anna says she can tell Elena really means that, but they'll "skip the dead mom bonding" so Elena can start serving her purpose; she's Anna leverage against the Salvatores. Anna grabs Elena's phone and calls Stefan, and tells him that she has the witch, and knows they must have the grimoire, so one of them better meet her in the very public town square in a half an hour to discuss the plan. When Anna hangs up, we stay on Stefan at Mossy Manse. He looks to Damon who's been listening in from the doorway. Damon says, "Go head, grovel again. Oh, wait. I don't care." He walks out with a little harumph, the big liar.

Motel: Anna's on her way out, so she leaves Ben to babysit and reminds him that compulsion won't work on the girls. "Just use violence." He tries to chat up Bonnie about her powers, but Elena interrupts and asks him for a drink. He's still a newbie, so he enjoys reminding the humans he's a vampire and asks Elena if she's offering, but then tells her there's water on the bedside table. Elena grabs the glass but before she can drink, Bonnie looks at her WITH GREAT MEANING AND EMPHASIS. Elena looks back, all, YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING MAGICAL TO SAVE OUR PRETTY HIDES, RIGHT? Bonnie looks back all, TOTALLY. GIVE ME THE FRIGGING GLASS. So Elena does. Bonnie throws the water on Ben and then, reminiscent of that day at the car wash, she makes the water burst into flames. Bonnie makes it to the door and opens it wide, but there was only enough water to spark up Ben's arm, so he is able to quickly e

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Vampire Diaries




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