Corbett: "Be nice. You're always talking shit about my dad."
Warlow: "No, she's the opposite. She's amazing. Also, my child bride. Your ancestor John Stackhouse made a contract with me for the first female Fae of his clan. I'm a prince, Sookie gets to be a princess, it's how our tribe has always done it since Skyrim Tymes."
Corbett: "No, I follow you. It's the part where you keep saying you wanna turn her into a vampire that sounds crazy. Because of course there is no such thing."
Warlow pops fang at them briefly, which shuts them up. Also briefly.
Warlow: "Your daughter will never die. She'll never have to fear death. You won't have to fear that for her. I will protect her forever..."
Corbett: "No, get the fuck out. This is too much, it's too weird. Too many uncool things."
Warlow: "Fine, but when she's of age I'll be back."
In lieu of putting the whole kingdom to sleep, or growing thorny hedges around the house, or burning every spindle of every spinning wheel in Reynard Parish, Corbett just tosses his daughter in the way back seat of the car and heads off to kill her. Gratifyingly, Michelle is not down with this plan. Not that her response to it is comforting exactly.
Michelle: "But she could live forever! That's not so bad."
Corbett: "You saw how sexy and beautiful and immortal and charming and British that guy was. I love our daughter too much for her to have all that and also be a princess."
Michelle: "I guess I see your point. But for my one second of actual parenting I've ever done, that was pretty solid."
Corbett jumps into Lala so we can see some acting from Nelsan Ellis finally this season.
Sookie: "Corbett? You were the good one. You were the one that liked me."
Lalabett: "I did love ya, sweetie."
Sookie: "But you were going to fully kill me? That's a certain kind of not-love love. That's Nasty Christmas."
Lalabett: "He's gotten to you, hasn't he? He told you he loved you and you fell for it."
Sookie: "Uh, clearly you do not get me at all. I only like guys that piss me off. Even with Bill that stuff was mostly annoying -- I liked him because of the silence. The taking, not the giving. Also, I'm way smarter than..."
Lalabett: "-- Too late, I'm a fucking crazy ghost."