Elvis has entered the building! Johnny Iuzzini wears a black chef's coat to match his hair and his wallet chain. He thinks Eric's notNutella Peanut Butter Krispie bars sound good, but thinks Zac's decision to serve strawberry shortcake at a bake sale is off. Malika gets some deep breathing and meditation advice from Judge Johnny. Then suddenly Elvis has left the building. If the judge can't handle more than half the sniff and sneer, maybe he shouldn't bother at all. Back at the Top Chef living quarters, Malika explains that she pretty much hates being in this competition. She just got divorced, her restaurant closed and she keeps losing. Maybe competitive cooking is not for her. It's actually nice to see a cheftestant who is self aware enough to realize that reality television is just (in the words of Biggie) some party and bullshit and if you hate it, go home. Especially when you have two small kids and a shit ton of emotional baggage. Heather H. does not agree with me. Malika needs to man up, craft some cojones out of caramel, and continue in the competition.
Downstairs Morgan and Seth are getting saucy on the couch. They are sitting quite close considering how big the couch is and how much Morgan is in his pajamas. Maybe Seth was having Morgan look at the thing on his neck.
Bake Sale time! Um...so much for getting sugar out of schools. Mark Bittman and Michael Pollan and Alice Waters are going to have WORDS for you, Top Chef! Out on the bake sale line, Malika has had a change of heart and totally wants to stay on the show! A producer probably showed her the contract she signed. Inside the cafeteria, the cheftestants are riling up the children and inciting class warfare between the Pep and Glee Clubs. Seth has been hidden in the back due to his temporary Tourette's, but Bravo has also brought in an intern to follow Seth around and "BEEP!" loudly whenever Seth swears just to protect the ears of the precious little angels filling the halls fistfighting for chocolate.
The judges file in. Johnny Iuzzini and Sylvia Weinstock are quite the couple, like if they (evil conniving "they") did a Harold and Maude reboot with an all rockabilly soundtrack. Erika made a chocolate chunk walnut cookie, Eric made a peanut butter krispie bar (which by the way they sell at his bake shop so it is not at all original), Morgan made a chocolate and vanilla cupcake, Malika made a toffee fudge brownie, and Heather made a cookie with dulce de leche cream. The judges are thrilled to see a brownie, but it is Erika's chocolate chip cookie that they really love. In fact they are so complimentary about it that Gail starts to feel insecure and demands they call her golden and crispy, too.