Young Americans

Episode Report Card
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Ryders On The Storm

Lake Homoerotica.
Row, boys, row.
Girls in tiny swimsuits
Scout is all aglow.
Will looks around
The Fab Five is in rain.
Will jumps over a boat
Bella's smirk causes pain.

Everybody needs
A little brother love.
Where would we be
Without some sister love?

Kid falls in water.
Scout tightens his jaw.
Will skips a stone.
Terri's face just says "Aw."
Half-naked boys jump
Into the lake.
Will looks the other way
And then he throws a fake.

Where would we be Without some Verve love?
Everybody needs
Some non-gay love.

Verve looks right at me
I start to dampen.
Then Finn sits upright
And I'm instantly crampin'.

Where would we be
Without naked boy love?
Everybody needs
Naked Scout givin' naked Will a shove.
We can't get by
Without some Townie love.
Everybody's shy
When they're in shameful love.
Where would Finn be
Without man-boy love?
Naked back.
Boobie shake.
Pecs on fire.
Lake Homoerotica.
Have mercy.

This was the video version of the opening credits, anyway, since they didn't put any of the actors' names next to their faces. Not one credit in the credits. I don't know. I wrote you a song.

Coke commercial. Their new thing is apparently that rude people drink Coke, and if you don't have one, that gives you the right to be a total asshole to people. I think they've finally started seeing the effects of Diet Coke withdrawal on their test subjects.

Raise the flag, it's mornin' time in New Rawley. Close-up on the American flag. The Range Rover screeches back, and Bella is fuming out the window. As Grace jumps out of the vehicle, all of the boys slur, "Bye, Gracey." She twirls around so her dress flips up and she blows them a kiss. I love that slut. You probably already guessed it, but she's not wearing the jacket. Bella stomps up and says that it's "six in the morning" and asks where she's been and where's her jacket and that she's been looking "all over town" for her. Grace touches her head with both hands in that "Fuck, it's bright and you're way too annoying for this early in the morning" look. She says she was up playing cards. Bella shoves her by the shoulders and says, "Whatever. Where's my jacket?" Grace says she doesn't know and asks what the big deal is. "Grace, I will shred you if you don't get me my jacket. Now, where is it?" I wish Grace would tell Tony Hawk that she shredded it. Grace says she thinks she left it "at Joe's." "What, you were gambling at Joe's?" Quick edit, and she then says, "I'm going to Joe's," suddenly all calm. Grace tells her not to. She says she thinks she left it at a dorm room at Rawley. "The British guy, Ryder? Huh. Gawd." She looks up and laughs at how cute Ryder is. I just want to take that sweet slut home with me, wait until she gets her first period, and then teach her how to open a bottle of beer with the end of a lighter. "Grace? If I don't get my jacket back." Bella stares at Grace. Grace looks at Bella. Bella stares at Grace, and then storms off. The dramatic tension. I'm parched.

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Young Americans




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