True Blood
Gone, Gone, Gone

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 1 USERS: A-
Love Isn't A Good Sailor

Russell: "Meanwhile, taking over the world through something other than curriculum reform. Hey, did you know that faerie blood is a thing?"
Bill & Eric: "...No?"
Russell: "Oh, did you forget that huge thing that's defined my storyline this entire show? Let me remind you that the reason you were supposed to kill me is that we've all drunk from the same faerie. Now, allow me to point out that we can use the Japanese process to synthesize and perfect fae blood, and then everybody could be a daywalker. We just need a few faeries and then maybe we can breed them or something. It's going to be great."
Salome, very orthodox: "We are of the night. The sun is forbidden to us. Fairies are an abomination."
Russell: "No, they are great. Oh, also? I'm taking over now. You know how I'm crazier and stronger than all of you and it was only a matter of time until my crazy ass turned the tables? Well, Eric's little Talbot scene earlier did the trick. Now, I'm going to go find some fairies and if you try and stop me, my Nazi werewolf drug cult will have your ass. We clear?"
Authority: "In retrospect, we could have posited this was probably going to happen."


Stackhouses: "Anyway, you guys are really old and don't make a bunch of sense, just like this weird language."
Faeries: "It's not in our language, but maybe it's from our other language."
Stackhouses: "Whatever, can you read it?"
Maurella: "I speak both languages, and I can do a neat trick."

Maurella does a neat trick where she makes Harry Potter things happen to the scroll, and then tells them some things. Like, the blood of half-fae John William Stackhouse was, in the year of Our Lord 1702, used to write a contract in vellum that then chugged around under Gran's floorboards for the next three hundred years, and it said this:

I, John William Stackhouse, in reference to our binding agreement on this said date, do grant Mr. M. Warlow my first fae-bearing female heir.

Sookie: "Wait, so does this mean I'm 'promised' to this Warlow in some way?"
Claude: "Yes, because Hadley -- who actually gave birth to a faerie son that we all know about and who is sitting in this building right now -- doesn't exist."
Sookie: "Well, it's been almost a full season since I was indebted to some magic soup boyfriend or another. Murphy Brown lied to us!"

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True Blood




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