Michael's First Disastrous Attempt At Surprise Planning happens when he visits a travel agency hoping to get an all-expenses-paid trip to Atlantic City. It turns out that large, last-minute, entirely comped trips to casinos aren't as easy to come by as Michael thought. Maybe if they were all senior citizens?
Back at the office, diseases are being circled. There's also a write-in section (Dwight's biggest mistake), and Jim and Pam are at reception making plans. Jim tells Pam that she shouldn't write down Ebola or mad cow disease. He waits a beat and tells her that he has both, grinning and holding up his paper, which not only shows the entire block of circle-able diseases circled en masse, but also shows that he has written not only those two, but also "Count Choculitis" and something that ends in "--east ears," which I really, really wish I could see. Pam whispers to him that she's making up new diseases to claim that she has, and she asks Jim for a possible name for an affliction where your teeth turn to liquid and run down the back of your throat. Jim, feigning confusion, tells her he thought she was making things up -- that's spontaneous dentohydroplosia! Pam is impressed. We all are impressed.
Michael's Second Disastrous Attempt At Surprise Planning involves an ill-fated telephone inquiry -- which he makes surreptitiously from his car -- into taking everyone down into a mine shaft. When it turns out that the industrial coal elevator isn't a free-fall and there's no laser tag once you get down into the mine, Michael loses interest. He insists in a TH that he thrives on improv. And he's wrong. See? I told you he had a lot in common with Robin Williams.
Dwight angrily emerges from his workspace to demand that Jim explain several suspicious diseases that have shown up on the questionnaires. In addition to leprosy and flesh-eating bacteria, people have claimed to have "hot-dog fingers" and a "government-created killer nanorobot infection." As meticulously crafted as that second one is, I think there's an argument to be made that nothing in this episode is as elegant and perfect as "hot-dog fingers," which makes even Angela laugh. In fact, everyone in the room has a horrible case of the giggles while Dwight is talking, which giggles they are desperately trying to hide from Dwight. Dwight says he'll be investigating (yay! I love it when Dwight investigates!), and until the perpetrator appears, "there will be no health-care coverage for anyone." Don't make him turn this PPO around, people. Because he'll do it.