Veronica Mars
Plan B

Episode Report Card
admin: A | 8 USERS: A+
What A Non-Incorporated Municipality Without Pity Can Do

Veronica lightly offers to consult her Idiot's Guide To Wanton Behavior, clearly not sensing my urgency. Tell Mac Beaver got his dick blown off in 'Nam, Veronica! You know things! Know the why of this! Mac's sad. Veronica: "Basically, you're asking because I'm the sluttiest girl you know?" Mac smiles ruefully: "'Slutty' is your word choice. Mine was 'worldly.'" Veronica tacitly agrees to pretend Mac's problem matters, and they go through the checklist: hand-holding, kissing, tongue ("Some tongue"), ass-grabbing ("Brushed some dog hair off my pants."). I can't be the only person who went there with this, can I? Because that kind of makes me the freak, actually, if I am. Veronica assures Mac that it's "not so much bad," but agrees that it's "out of the ordinary." Mac heads to Bargaining: "Veronica, I really like him -- we have so much fun..." Veronica, like this isn't the 09, tells her to stop worrying about it: "Yeah, it's weird, but..." Oh, the long trail-off. Who is your heart breaking for right now? They are sad and silent, and Mac takes off with a "that's what I thought." I'm so "And that's how Old Yeller ended" right now. Not my Cassidy. And even if, it's not like I'd...look, being queer is fucking awesome. Go Team Kristin! Seriously, though. You get to kiss whoever you want, for starters, which rocks. Boys are wicked good for kissin', and also girls are too. But I've heard -- my high-school existence was not normal -- I understand and believe that it often sucks beyond the telling of it. So either way, Beaver's in trouble. You set up the innocents (yeah, yeah, Dick and Rashomon and Kendall and real estate and all that, but come on) and you knock them down, and that's how you prove that it all counts. I get it. I just don't want it right now, thanks.

Speaking of innocence fucked over, Weevil slams a toy truck down on Molly's lunch table, and of course she looks around like, "I for sure don't normally converse with minorities, y'all, this is highly out of the ordinary," even though nobody cares, but how would she know that? Weevil accuses her of six counts of being with a guy who wanted to settle down and have "rugrats" and being in a horrible family from which she can't escape, wigging, "Too bad your family put him in the ground." She explains, at about a 3 on the hysterical scale Weevil's about to recalibrate like the SAT's, that Felix got stabbed on a bridge, and there were no Fitzpatricks around at the time. She gives kind of the mission statement of the season, classism-wise -- that, "Logan Echolls or the PCH," it's just the same scum with a different wardrobe. Which connects thematically, with the whole incorporation deal, but still doesn't answer the one question I'll still have in a half-hour, and Weevil presses her about how the plastic surgeon guy, Griffith, was both the key witness and under her uncle Liam's thumb. He clarifies, using "I" statements, that it "pisses him off" that loving Molly cost Felix his entire, one-eyebrowed life, while Molly seems to give less than a tinker's damn. (No, that's not a racist Irish Gypsy joke, don't email me.) She protests that she loved Felix, and Weevil gets right up ballistic in her face and screams, "NO, I LOVED HIM!" I don't know who I love more in this moment, Weevil or Francis Capra, because that was fucking beautiful. Everybody (and by "everybody," I mean "a shitload of white people") nearby stops and stares. "And you can tell, because I'm the one that cares enough to keep trying to find out who killed him." Which -- I sympathize, and not just because that was the best acting of the episode, especially considering that it was the most outré line in the whole script -- both know who killed him, and you both have for quite a while, and neither of you can do anything with that info, so stop lashing out at the girl who had the bad sense to date him, Eli. Logan got almost an entire season of sympathy when his girlfriend got murdered, you know? It best earns the episode's ending of anything, and all this jibber-jabber of mine is just a way to avoid talking about that particular knot of gross, so I guess well played there as well. But dude, lay off Molly. She's got a lot of shit on her plate, as we'll see.

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Veronica Mars




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