The Practice
Pro Se

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In Rod They Bash

Previously on The Practice: Emperor Rod gets the crap kicked out of him by Bull, a client furious because Bobby basically ignored privilege and went to the cops behind his back. Blah, you gave me up, blah, whack, blam, bonk, urgh, ah, slap, strangle, choke, hospital. Go read Shack's recap -- it's excellent. And he rocks for filling in for me when I had pneumonia.

Suffering County Holding Cell. Ellenor holds up an Oz-inspired photograph of a cellmate who has been shanked to death. She holds up another picture of the murder weapon and says, "Your fingerprints on the knife." Giancarlo Esposito is the guest star of the week. He's got great curly hair and marvelous sort of shocked expression on his face. Ellenor continues, "Your confession to the murder." Ray just keeps on looking at his lawyer and not saying anything. Ellenor pauses for effect. She slaps her hands down on the table, also for effect. "We don't win this one, Ray." The hands push the air like they are kneading bread. "This case we plead." Ray is wearing his orange prison jumpsuit. He wants Ellenor to "go over it again." She's exasperated. I think it's because they keep plucking her eyebrows into perfect little half-moons sitting atop her eyes. Why do they do that? Then they give her these long, dangly earrings that look more like they belong on the set of Flashdance than here. Again with the exasperation, Ellenor whines, "This is getting really boring." It's not boring to Ray. He loves court dates. It beats watching television, and the food is better than it is in state prison. Then he makes some crack about "getting on" Ellie, which, considering her last few weeks, she doesn't take too kindly. When Ellenor calls for the guard, they both jump up. Ray whispers, "No! Don't call the guard. I know about the guards." With absolutely no pun intended, Ellenor half-yells, half-mutters, "Don't screw around with me, Ray!" He didn't want to tell Ellenor about the guards before; he was afraid she wouldn't believe him.

The Waltz Of The Wounded Inmate decides to grace the couple with its presence. Ray glances furtively around Ellenor. Then he sits back down. Apparently, the guards in state prison set up fights between the inmates and then bet on them. Apparently, they wanted Ray to fight Bowman, his cellmate, the one with the fatal shank wound. But before Ray could actually have the fight, the guards killed him. Ellenor sits down. She's stunned. "Are you saying they framed you?" Well, come on; you don't rat out the guards and then live. Unfortunately, they've left Ray with no choice, and he's really stuck because he can't do any more prison time. Well, this piques Ellenor's interest; there's nothing like a defense that involves uncovering a bunch of crooked prison guards to wake you up on a Monday morning. Ellenor asks, "Is this true?" Ray looks down. Around. Back. To the side. Then he smiles: "No. But I sure had you going, didn't I?" His lawyer calls him an idiot and starts grabbing up all of her papers. She's pissed. She wants to plead the case out. If she can get him ten years on top of his current sentence; that would be a good result. Ray balks. He can't do thirteen years. He can't even do the time he's got left. Ellenor: "Ray. When you get convicted this time, it's mandatory life. So you either let me make a deal or you have to get used to the idea that you are going to die in prison." It's his choice. Some choice -- it seems to me that he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. Literally.

I would rather endure the beating that Bobby took last week than have to listen to these stupid credits. Oh, wait, Hunky D.A.; oh, okay, continue the beating.

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The Practice

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