The Practice
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In Rod They Bash

I was just at the hairdressers and she gave me InStyle to read. There was a bit in there about how a rumour started circulating that David E. Kelley's production team was so cheap, they recycled wardrobe from Ally McBeal over to The Practice. Hum. Apparently, this is not true and DEK's production team dresses Dylan McDermott only in the finest. And I got to thinking that I can't believe the show would balk at the fact that people thought the clothes were recycled, considering that every original plot idea DEK's ever had has been shredded through the pasta-maker, buzzed up in a blender, and then barfed up from one show to the next with the consistency of a yogurt smoothie. The dude recycles more plots then John Irving -- and that's saying a lot.

The Firm Where They Argue The Merits Of Pain. Jimmy "The Lump" Berluti is fulfilling his annoying sidekick quota early in the episode: "There's nothing you can challenge?" Nope. Ray's confession was voluntary. On top of that, it was also vividly incriminating. Plus, forget self-defense, because Ray admitted that the victim was asleep when he stabbed him. Lucy wants to know why he did it in the first place. Ellenor: "I don't know. He won't tell me." Then, for some reason, Jimmy asks how many times Ellenor has represented Ray over the years. She says, "This makes four." Whew. Career criminal that hates spending time in jail. You'd think that Ray would have found another line of work by now. ["Or another defense attorney." -- Sars] Ellenor: "And to be honest, I've always liked the guy, but since he's been in prison, I don't know." Wait for this little nugget of wisdom from Jimmy "O Wise Sage" Berluti: "After a while it drives them all crazy." Un-huh. Isn't that kind of the point? To punish guilty people so much that they don't commit any further crimes? Idiots. Ellenor is happy Ray's at least admitted that she can try to plead the case.

The front door of The Firm flies open with rage. Lindsay storms in and throws her briefcase on her desk. She glares at everyone. Ellenor says tentatively, "Good morning?" Behind her comes the fallen Emperor Rod. He's bruised. He's beaten. He's bandaged. Ellenor: "What the hell are you doing here?" Rebecca: "I told you he'd come back too fast." Rod mutters, "Hello to you too." He pauses and says quietly, "It's good to be back." Jimmy says hey, and then he says that Bobby looks bad. Which is true, he does. He looks terrible. Ellenor thinks that Rod should drop "the macho crap" and go home. Except that then the world wouldn't revolve around him, and he just couldn't bear that. The world must revolve around Emperor Rod; it's the mandate of his new world religion, Rodivanity. There's only one rule: Everyone must love and honour Rod. Any. Way. He halfheartedly barks at Lucy to bring him some files, and he wants her to tell Eugene that they'll need to go over the finances. Ah, his life is so rough. Blink. Stretch. Yawn.

Hunky D.A.'s House Of Pain. Ah, he's like a little cup on sunshine on a grey, grey day. Ellenor and Ray are with the Hunk, who is refusing to make a deal. Ellenor: "Can't you once just be reasonable. If he pleads, he'll serve thirteen years before he's even considered for parole." Hunky: "He committed cold-blooded murder. He ought to stay in prison for life. Plus, it's only a one-day trial." Ray seems to think that getting cheeky with Hunky is the right way to go. Ah, he is sadly mistaken. Ray: "Ellenor, don't beg this guy." He looks over at the D.A. and snarks, "You got a real stick up your ass." Heh. Ellenor tells her client to shut his mouth. Only he doesn't listen; he moves in to stand face-to-face with Alan. "You know why I bet you suck? Because people hate arrogant." Pause. Insert dry, droll music here. "Juries love me." Hunky insists, "That last jury sure loved you." Ray reminds the D.A. that he pleaded out to the robbery charge; he had no choice. The illustrious "they" had him on tape. A jury has never convicted him. He flips his head over toward Ellenor so his hair sort of bounces. It's got more character than most of the stars on this show combined. "We can beat this chump." Ellenor: "No. We. Can't." Alan leaves the room and slams the door. He's just ended one of the worst pissing contests I've ever seen.

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The Practice

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