The Practice
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In Rod They Bash

The Office Where Rod Meditates On His Pain. Eugene is in the room. He's standing over Bobby, who is looking through "the books." Lindsay is also there. She's scowling. It's her only trick thus far in the episode. Bobby takes a deep breath. It looks like breathing is painful for him. Wah. Cry me a river. He mumbles, "Collections are down." Eugene explains that their clients are hurting because of the recession. Apparently, some firms in town are taking fifty cents on the dollar. Keep on kicking him. Rod is really down. If we beat him enough, maybe he won't come back again. After giving up on the economic side of the business, Rod asks if anyone needs his help. Because, you know, the world stops without him. No one can lawyer without The King Of Litigation himself by their side. Yawn. Eugene runs down the current state of affairs. Ellenor's got a trial that's going to plead -- oh, wait, what's that, is Lindsay giving you the evil eyebrows? Yes. In fact, they're bouncing up and down like a little yellow ball telling you to sing. Wait, they're wiggling like Groucho Marx. Come on, Eugene, can't you please get the freaking hint so I can stop watching the woman make an ass out of her eyebrows. Finally. Eugene gets it. In fact, we all GET IT. Blah Rod's hurt, blah shouldn't be back at work, blah beating blah. Eugene: "What's your schedule?" Bobby: "Don't you start now." Eugene: "For now, you shouldn't be taking any criminal cases, Bobby." Rod: "Excuse me." Yeah, like any client would feel well represented by a man whose got a face that looks like a steak that's been marinated for way too long. Eugene continues, "Before you go back in a cell with another client we think it would be best if you got your legs back." Because the beating paralyzed him. Un-huh. Except it didn't. And it's a terribly silly analogy considering that his legs are working fine; it's his face that's in trouble. Rod stands up in defiance. No one's going to tell him how to run his empire. Lindsay steps in: "Bobby!" Rod: "You and Lindsay got together and decided how I should practice law?" No. The Firm decided. Damn, that's even worse. Bobby: "Next time my firm plans on discussing my career let me know. I'd like to be there." Well, his wife doesn't take kindly to these biting words. Yawn. She slams the door open and walks out with a Britney Spears-like attitude. She's no slave, though. And she probably wouldn't dance around on stage with a huge yellow snake for an accessory. Eugene's left behind. He sort of looks at Rod, and then he leaves too.

Outside Where The Firm Feels The Pain. Eugene saunters past Lindsay, who is teary by this time. She's got The Frustrating Husband Fugue to comfort her. He says, "You've got to give him some time." She says, "He won't give himself any time. He won't even talk about what happened." Eugene makes some crack about how Bobby's not big on sharing his feelings. I snort some Coke out my nose because I can barely believe he kept a straight face while saying that line. Yeah, except that every single time Bobby shouts, screams, yells, moans, whines, pontificates, and philosophizes about a case, his life, his wife, their marriage, Jimmy's gambling habits, Ellenor's bad decisions, Eugene's moral superiority -- he's not being emotional? I mean, come on. Rod's got an emotion, and an emotional discussion for that matter, for every single hour of every single day of every single freaking week. Their pathetic conversation continues as Lindsay says, "I noticed that he feels like we're attacking him." Eugene thinks that, right now, Rod is something he never wanted to be. A victim. Oh my goodness, the cheese is so thick right now that I'm having trouble seeing the television screen. Might as well call Lindsay "Queen Gouda" and Eugene "Prince Mozzarella"; it's that bad. Blah not easy for Rod to deal with, blah you have to know that blah. Eugene saunters away. Lindsay sighs. Okay, haven't enough members of The Firm been subject to various different acts of violence for a permanent grief counselor to be on call? Shouldn't they be employing some sort of staff psychiatrist? I mean, Lindsay was stabbed, a bomb went off and caused Rebecca to end up in a coma. Ellenor was stalked. Lucy had her breast bitten. Haven't they been through enough?

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The Practice

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