Third Watch
Requiem For A Bantamweight

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
Just Like Robert Downey Jr.

We come back to Bobby at his mom's house. We pull back from a photo of Young Bobby in a frame to the grown-up version messing with some phone wires. "Mami?" Bobby calls out. Then he speaks some Spanish really fast. I speak Spanish pretty fluently, but I didn't catch a word of it. Helpfully, the closed captioning says, "Speaking Spanish." Bobby's mom didn't seem to understand it, either, because she yells, "What...?" Bobby tells her that she should get a second phone line so she can be online and use the phone at the same time. Hey, Bobby's mom: jJust get some broadband in that sucker. Get some DSL. That'll shut him up. ["Word." -- Wing Chun] She enters the doorway and looks to be roughly the size of half a midget pimp. She's tiny! She asks whether the internet is messing with her phone. Bobby tries to explain, because he's Mr. Internet Wizard, and Mom says she just wants to e-mail her sister. When Mom complains about the price, Bobby says that it's cheaper than long distance. "And the computer -- that's cheap?" Mom has just totally blown my mind about the price of getting online. Damn, she should do some commercials for AOL. Bobby tempts the Gods of Internet Newbies again by telling Mom he'll come by tomorrow to hook her up with an ISP and log her on. "Logged...on?" she asks. Lord help us. She complains that it's too complicated. He says it'll be fine, and calls her "Shorty." Awww.... You know, in Spanish, he would call her "Chaparita," which I think sounds way cuter. As Bobby's leaving, the real reason for this scene becomes apparent: Mom says that Gina came around asking for him when she was visiting her own mother downstairs. No guilt trip about who visits their mother more, thankfully. Bobby seems taken aback. Mom doesn't know why she stopped by except that Gina wants to talk to him. Ghosts from the past on a holy mission to rend through your emotions and make you a hollow person, much? "Her marriage is fine," Mom stresses. Yeah, that's a total mom, right there, still holding out hope that they'll get back together someday. "You leave her alone!" Mom yells. She also mentions Gina's three kids. Bobby smiles devilishly and announces that Gina is safe. Just like all men everywhere are "safe" around Kim, right? [Shudder.]

At the house of swank, the newly Christened King of Booty -- Sully -- is shaving in front of the mirror. Tatiana is presumably showering (unless it's a murderer in there I don't know anything about). Sully asks whether she wants to go out on Sunday. Sully, man, have you lost some weight? You're looking good! Tatiana says that she has to work. Sully asks why she's working so much. She says that it's all about the Benjamins. Wait, she's a waitress, so I guess it's all about the Washingtons. Sully complains that they haven't been out in weeks. Tatiana keeps poking her slick head out of the shower. Sully grumbles. Tatiana yells for him not to talk to her while she's in the shower. Sully laughs, because he must like being emasculated like that, and takes his robe-wearing self into the kitchen. Suddenly, the apartment door is unlocked and a teen walks in with a dog. Suddenly, we've entered Kafkaland. The teen casually walks to the fridge and drinks some orange juice right out of the carton. He glances at Sully and says, "What's up?" Tatiana walks in. Oh man, even I'm uncomfortable. The teen says he needs some sleep, kisses Tatiana, and goes off to find rest in the house where tips for omelets pay the rent. Sully gets mad. Really peeved. Ultra annoyed. But he's all wrong: He thinks Tatiana's dating this young punk, who conveniently has a Russian accent and is named "Sergei." He must be related. Or maybe he's her figure skating partner. Tatiana says she didn't think Sully would understand. "That you're seeing someone else?" he pouts. No, that he's Tatiana's son. Sergei walks back into the scene for emphasis, maybe to lick the tops of muffins. Oh, Sully, when will you ever win?

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