Third Watch
Requiem For A Bantamweight

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!
Just Like Robert Downey Jr.

I liked it better when Penn & Teller weren't shills for Pizza Hut. Sigh....

A knock at Sully's door. He's having a Lonely Man dinner. Tatiana is there. "Hi," she says. She points out that he didn't come over last night. Sully says that he had a tough day. Yeah, tougher than when you almost got thrown off the force? Tatiana apologizes for not having said something sooner, about her son. Sully goes all stoic and says nothing. "Okay," he finally allows. "Okay," Tatiana says back, obviously hurt. She starts to walk away. Sully calls her back and says it's a big thing not to tell him, and that he's afraid now that there's other stuff she's not telling him. Like whether she's really a woman, for instance. He finally asks the question: "Are you here legally?" Tatiana says she came on a tourist visa three years before. So she's not legal. Sully takes a deep breath. "John," Tatiana begins. "Do you like me?" You know he does. "I like you, too," she says. Why don't you just send him a note and have him circle "Yes" or "No"? As she's walking away, Sully calls her back, giving her a silly grin. She comes back, presumably for some make-up sex. As she slinks past Sully through his door, he sighs and follows. Sully, Sully, Sully. She's your Kryptonite.

At the home of Existential Doom, Bobby wakes up to find Paulie pawing through his kitchen drawers. Paulie lies and says he's looking for coffee filters, which are right in front of him, on top of the fridge. Paulie looks bad. Bobby asks whether he wants breakfast. Paulie just wants coffee. Bobby tells Paulie that he's going to take him to Gina's to set up the rehab. Paulie lights a cigarette on the gas stove. He doesn't seem too interested in the rehab idea. "You've gotta do it," Bobby tells him. "I know," he says. Then he observes that, when you really need a cup of coffee, it comes out more slowly. Then he reminds Bobby of a time when his father came home and went up to the roof, where Bobby and Gina were getting it on. Paulie had to stall him and make up a crazy story, yelling so that they'd hear. Bobby got away by climbing buck naked down the fire escape. Apparently a woman in 8G saw a hairy ass in her window. "I can still hear her screaming," Bobby laughs. Man, those were the days. They both chuckle together. "Fun times," Paulie finally says, but this kitchen conversation seems like the furthest thing from fun.

Sully is big animal, like Russian bear! At least that's what occurs to me as he lies in bed with a Ukranian lady's arm around him. I do believe that man is naked under those sheets. As he nuzzles with Tatiana, Sully comes to the conclusion that the reason she's been working so hard lately is because she needs the money. "I always need money," she says. Then he asks whether he may help her out, pitching in a few bucks here and there. He says that he's always eating her food and watching her cable. Tatiana recoils and sits up. "You want to give me money," she says flatly. Sully asks whether she's upset. He figures that he can just put the money on the dresser and leave after she falls asleep, I suppose. Tatiana says that she doesn't know if she wants to take his money. Sully says it was just an idea. "Maybe we should get married," she says. Whoa! Somewhere, Rick Rockwell is wondering why he couldn't have just gone this route. Tatiana says that they have fun together, as Sully sputters, "M-married?" Yeah, you weren't so scared of commitment when you were getting your freak on, were you, Sully? Tatiana is all smiles now, picking out china and wallpaper in her head. She says it would be good for them to live together, pay one rent, the cable, the utilities.... Sully suddenly realizes that this doesn't sound at all romantic. "Do me?" he asks. Tatiana, still smiling, says that the sex is good, and that he makes her laugh. That's not exactly a "yes," Tatiana. Sully, looking supremely hurt, asks again: "Do you love me?" She says she likes him very much. Sully looks hurt. Tatiana looks hurt. Sully gets up, and we can see some of his naked ass. "I got to go," he says. "Now I make you angry," Tatiana says. On his ass, in large block letters, are the words, "Dennis Franz was here." Sully asks whether this is because she's not a citizen. She says it's because he's decent and kind, and because she wants to have another child. Whoa! Marriage, kids...slow down, girl! This is way too much pressure for any man! Let the guy shower first, at least! She says Sully would be a good father. She brings up his good job, benefits, and pension again. "How romantic," Sully mutters. She says that it would be a good life, and that real life isn't a Hollywood movie. Sometimes it's a Hollywood TV show broadcast on Monday nights. She says that she could make a good home and cook for him. "Don't you want more than that?" Sully says. Who knew Sully was into Disney-style romance? "No," Tatiana says. "No, I don't." We go to commercial so that Sully can go listen to Radiohead's "Motion Picture Soundtrack" and get some perspective on idealized notions of love.

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