Veronica Mars
Ruskie Business

Episode Report Card
admin: A | 6 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Helping People Is Overrated

Cut to Veronica on the phone, doing what sounds like a hybrid of a New York accent and a dippy blonde accent -- basically, she sounds like Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan. And given how she ends up dressing in the last ten minutes of the episode, it kind of feels like she's jumping the gun. Veronicadonna says she's looking to place a casting notice, and gives a general description of Tom, and throws in the personal details that Catarina just told her about. She gives the person on the other end a fax number to which she can send the headshots.

Cut to the Mars home, where Veronica is receiving a headshot. Wallace enters and says she can just B her own FF, since he's got a reputation as "a jock-sniffer." Well, Wallace, they say no press is bad press. Of course, I always thought that rule was bullshit, so thank you for proving it wrong. Wallace sees the headshots, and Veronica says that apparently Tom Cruz has changed his name. Can't imagine why. Wallace looks at the picture of Tom and says that his dog is a freak show. Dude, even he wouldn't have sniffed Caz's jock. We get a closer look at the dog, which, as I said before, is very distinctive-looking. Veronica wonders if it's a rare breed. Wallace: "Either that or a drunk dingo had a three-way with a [sic] ocelot and a porcupine." Wallace, you're babbling. I can forgive it, though -- perhaps you're still high on fumes. Veronica's interrupted by her phone, which tells her that Lynn's card was used again, to the tune of $1200. She calls Logan and gets his voicemail: "This is Logan with today's inspirational greeting. 'The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.' Eleanor Roosevelt. Leave a message." HA! The degree to which that cracks me up is the degree to which Veronica rolls her eyes. Given that they practically pop out of her earlobes, I think you get the picture that I'm not quite done laughing. Veronica leaves a message saying there's been another charge on the card "at the Sunset Regent." Thanks for hanging out, Wallace!

Speaking of which, Kristen Bell and Percy Daggs III do a spot on behalf of UPN celebrating Black History Month. Very nice.

Logan waits in the lobby of the hotel, wearing camo pants. Veronica comes bustling in, cheerily and loudly apologizing for being late, and kisses Logan on the cheek. You know, I always wondered how far a good "Squee!" could travel. Apparently, all the way from California to New York, if the piercing noise that woke me up three hours after I watched this is any indication. Veronica stage-whispers to Logan that she talked to the desk clerk on the phone, and that he's "a bit prickly," but she'll handle it. She leads Logan over; he still looks completely dazed. And here I thought we were past the times when people confused him with Duncan. Veronica perkily tells the guy that she and "her fiancé" are looking for a honeymoon suite. The guy's "Oh, how wonderful" is delivered in a sarcastic English accent. From my own time living in England, I can tell you that this level of customer service is about as good as it's going to get. He starts to tell them about the "more affordable packages," obviously unaware that Logan could buy him into a level of servitude that would make Anthony Hopkins's character in The Remains Of The Day seem positively inattentive. Veronica says that's not quite what she had in mind, as she throws her own fancily-bound wedding catalogue on the counter and starts rifling through it. She wants to lead the glamorous life. Logan: "Wow, sugarpuss, you've certainly been a busy little bee!" He and Veronica hilariously fake-laugh at each other, and he adds, "She's a keeper!" Hee. The desk clerk changes his tune and shows them the luxury options. Veronica latches onto the "Princess Suite," which has the all-important rate of $1200 a night, as well as private elevator access. She asks if they can see it, but the clerk tells them that it's occupied, and that the occupant insists on "her" privacy. Logan, cottoning on and suddenly almost overcome, asks if they can call up to the room, but the clerk tells them that's impossible. Veronica and Logan walk off for a confab. Veronica says she's going to talk to the maintenance guys to get them to let them up in the service elevator, but Logan nixes that, since he's going to sit right there and wait for his mom to emerge. VMVO tells us this will give her an opportunity to track down "a pair of elusive Romeos." Veronica, just don't you forget about...he.

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Veronica Mars

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