True Blood
Save Yourself

Episode Report Card
admin: A+ | 5 USERS: B-
My Early Life

Maurella's glowing vagina shoots out sparks, while Arlene and Jane Bodehouse and Lafayette slurp their margaritas and cat-call -- presumably as the Three Wise Men, given certain clues later, but also as a kind of gender-forward Mother/Crone/Maiden triad again, like with Maryann -- awesomely verbatim:

Arlene: "Who knew watching an alien give birth could be so comforting?"
Lafayette: "Are you kidding me? It's always the weird stuff that's the best!"
(Maurella: "Oh, my chakras!")
Jane Bodehouse: "This is great! I have no idea what is happening!"
(Maurella: "Oh, my billion weird fairy orgasms!")

Lafayette literally clutches literal pearls, Maurella sings so loud she shatters a bottle on the bar, and out pops a little girl -- with no umbilical cord, note -- and Holly gives her this speech about how it's hard to be a woman in today's world... And then a million more babies come shooting out of the magic vagina.


I love the actor, you know I do, but I think it says something about the way this season's gone that it took me a minute to realize "Steve Newlin" was actually a skinwalked Luna, and not just Steve Newlin acting like a raging Paul Lynde faggot cartoon, like he has been all season. He scoops up Emma, whispers not to shift, and heads for the door in the main lobby.

Chelsea: "Reverend Newlin, I aced my Statistics exam!"
Lewlin: "Yay, whoever you are!"

They have a really untidily written conversation about this and that, sketched only to fill time so Luna can get more and more nervous about being stuck down there with her daughter, covering all kinds of dumb things like how come he doesn't have a Southern accent today, it's silly stuff, and just when he's realizing they're on lockdown and he can't get out without the real Newlin's blood, Chancellor Barb appears, screaming all manner of homophobic nonsense about the fratboys and generally being unpleasant as hell. Not sure if this is because she's going to die in a second or because old gay dudes seem to think this stuff is funny, but either way it's tiresome and goes on way too long. She goads him into the elevator for his damage-control press conference, pays lip service to the idea that Eric was supposed to be pacifying the government after killing General Cavanaugh, and they head up for a quick Nan Flanagan-type appearance.


In the end there are four fairy babies, but what to do with them? It's so sad that Holly's boyfriend is suddenly a Quadfather, but then...

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True Blood




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