Alcide: "Even though I just joined the Shreveport Pack about sixteen minutes ago and never hung out with him, apparently being abjured by JD has ruined my entire life and now I just sit here behind your four-foot anti-vampire rabbit fence cooking huge sides of meat and talking endlessly about our inscrutable history nobody cares about."
Jackson: "What's weird is that the difference between how good you look in a shirt and out of it is way more miniscule than you'd think. I'm just saying you can wear some motherfucking clothes, son."
Alcide: "Vanity is my reward in this lifetime. Do you have any idea what it takes to look like this?"
Herveauxes: "We dare anyone to care about any of this!"
Finally, Momma Martha shows up. As happy as we are to see her always, this time especially. I realize saying this about a werewolf risks underplaying the intensity of my meaning, but Jackson Herveaux is one of the least interesting people ever to appear on this show.
Martha: "Remember that one chick? Your girlfriend?"
Alcide: "No. Wait, yes."
Martha: "Well, she's in my back seat puking and shitting herself, so do you have a minute?"
Rikki goes the full Gia on them, laughing and humping things with her butt, Alcide with her butt for example, and getting mean and screaming and then giggling and shaking all over like an old sick dog and doing handstands and whatever, walking right up a wall and flipping over, things of this nature. Turns out a crack-fueled JD went full paranoiac about the Holy Vampire War and is now just force-feeding the whole Pack on V and Monster Energy Drink and getting them riled. Who does that? Who looks at a bunch of werewolves in a barn they never leave and is like, "This needs to be trashier."
With Tara, Eric and Nora in top-of-the-line travel coffins (like from the hotel that one season, the ones that look like iPods) in the back of the truck, Jason and Sookie raid the Stake House for vampire-killin' supplies. It's hard to pay attention to everybody because he's still hallucinating the ghost parents, but basically he tells Sookie one hundred times that he is a one-man anti-vampire army and he's never going to stop killing them once he starts, because he has a brain injury pushing on his sweet little brain and making him a kill-crazy person in medical trauma, and instead of hearing him say any of this his sister just kind of pouts and acts more Sookie Stackhouse-y than she's been in a while.