Top Chef
Seven

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Hate the Sin, Love the Dinner

Unfortunately, as nice as the spectacle was, Ted Allen has noted that "Marcel is into foam," and Padma says they get foam from him every week. Debi Mazar, in a comment I simply cannot believe she made up spontaneously, says, "I just feel like the dish was prepared by somebody who hasn't had as much sex as he really needs to, to make a dish to make you really feel like you want to fuck." It's a great line, and everyone laughs, but I do not believe it. Come on. "This tastes like a virgin made it" is not credible from somebody who doesn't know the back story. Ilan, meanwhile, has his funnel cakes out on a tray. He interviews that he's taking a risk by taking the last course and doing pastries, which is kind of a switch from his earlier position that he got incredibly lucky and deserved to be booted if he messed it up. Elia and Sam help Ilan taste his funnel cakes, and everyone agrees they're too crunchy. It turns out that he warmed them in the oven, and I just don't get it, because if you've ever warmed up waffles or pancakes in the oven, you know this -- they toast, basically. How did he not know that the funnel cakes would toast in the oven? The same way he didn't know little fried cakes weren't make-ahead, I guess. What I really don't get is why he didn't just take the batter with him and fry them in the kitchen. Unless they weren't allowed or something, that just seems so obvious, since he's going last and would have had plenty of time. Elia suggests that if he really wants to serve the funnel cakes, he could dip them in simple syrup. That's probably better than crunchy, but it's not going to restore them, and again, it won't last -- they'll be syrup-covered crispy things at first, but then they're going to wilt.

Ilan serves his dish to the guests. He calls the chocolate cakes "extremely decadent," and he just basically keeps on telling and telling instead of showing, explaining just how gluttonous and decadent the dessert is. And then he does this: "I'd actually like to remind you all: cherries are actually supposed to drop your libido. So this'll bring it up. Enjoy!" Wow. That was incredibly tacky. That was, like, groundbreakingly tacky. Ilan tells us he's proud of the food, and doesn't think there will be a problem.

Problems. "Everything's too wet," says Sopranos lady. Ted points out the floppy funnel cake and how it should be crispy on the outside, and Debi says it was just plain too rich. Good parts of this dessert seem to be going uneaten. The cheftestants come out and are applauded. I don't think the guest judge said one thing. Debi thanks them for the great meal, and Padma thanks Debi and the guests, and she says the cheftestants made them all proud.

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