Kirsten asks the staff boss if Ryan's one of his guys, and he's not, so Ryan asks where Seth is. Kirsten's surprised that Seth has a friend, particularly a hot one, and tells Ryan he's at the comic book store. She tells him to get Seth home by five and to "shoo" because she doesn't want him wandering around her house. It's kind of cool to see scary Kirsten. I remember being sooo creeped out by her for the first part of the first season, and it's always weird to think about how much she's changed and how really she was our nice Kirsten all along, we were just seeing a different side of her back then. I love that. I love how it was true for everybody: Julie, Caleb, but especially Luke. They didn't randomly change into other people, it was just that our perspective changed as we saw more of them. I think about how much I hated Kirsten back then, in the first couple of episodes, and I feel really guilty about it because she's so great. Inside, the boss guy is like, "Didn't Dragon Lady just tell you to get lost?" And Ryan just kind of shrugs and leaves.
At the mall, Julie's giving a news interview outside a big charity display about how she's running a homeless shelter and introduces a rough-looking individual by the name of Daryl, who just last week was homeless. He still looks it, so I don't know what her point is. The interviewer calls her "quite the philanthropist" and she smiles: "Yes. And I help people!" Ryan approaches her and calls her "Julie," and she glitches a second before smiling brilliantly at the interviewer again: "I love it when they call me by my first name!" He asks what she's doing there, and behind her is an awesome poster that says "Even Homeless People Have Christmas," which is... nonsensical and awesome. She gives Ryan a voucher for the mission and says magnanimously to tell them she sent him. He asks if she knows him and she says very awesomely: "I know your pain." She turns to the interviewer about how "even this poor street urchin" has found hope in the so-called cold streets of Newport, and then Daryl the Homeless gets kind of bouncery about getting away from Julie. So he bounces and goes to look for Seth.
Who is being taunted in the comic shop by the Ward twins, who have taken his wallet and are obnoxiously repeating every whiny, disgusting, puling thing he says. Remember in Season One how Seth was kind of a huge whining disgusting baby? He got over it almost immediately, and then in Season Two became violently self-absorbed? This is like both of those times a thousand. I can barely look at him throughout the episode. Ryan comes in and barks at the Ward twins to leave Seth alone, and the one with the hair is like, "Is this your boyfriend? You guys should get a room." Awesomely, the one with the face goes, "Yeah, so you could make love in it." Guess without Ryan in Newport the whole Gay Dad thing didn't end quite so well. "I make love to... ladies," Seth says. Guess it really is an alternate universe. He thanks Ryan but there's none of the wet-eyed adoration you'd expect; he just asks Ryan if he knows him, which drives Ryan nuts because if there's one thing you could expect as a given across the gamut of universes, it's Ryan and Seth's wild bromance. The Wards yell about how Seth's "girlfriend" is in the shop across the way, and he mealy-mouth whines about "Which one?" He takes off, and Ryan hears the Wards talking about how could Sandy Cohen have such a sucky kid. Which Sandy used to constantly ask himself, before Ryan came. Ryan asks where he can find Sandy, who always fixes everything, and the one with the hair says he's at a press conference at the Yacht Club. "Press conference?" asks Ryan; "Press conference?" the one with the face snots hilariously. Outside in the mall, Seth's staring at Summer trying on her wedding dress. She looks totally beautiful. Seth is horrible and pathetic some more and whines a whole lot; Ryan can't understand why their impending nuptials would be making Seth all emo.