The O.C.
The Dream Lover

Episode Report Card
admin: C- | 3 USERS: B
Clap Your Hands Say "Enh"

Kaitlin does her make-up in the school bathroom. She soon has company: Lucy and two of her bandmates saunter in for a confrontation. They're decked out in full band uniform, too, and one of them is still carrying around her giant tuba. Not really sure what she's planning to do with that, but okay. Lucy lays down the law: "Listen, skank," she begins, "if you show up at our bake sale, I'll kick your face in." Lucy has a brown belt in Tae Kwon Do because she's Asian. Lucy is also all of three feet tall, so she's not as scary she thinks she is. Short women aren't scary no matter how good they are at martial arts. I should know: I am one, and never once has a physical threat of mine scared anyone. It's really frustrating. Kaitlin rubs it in that she's "getting to second" with the guy Lucy likes. "We see your face tomorrow, you will regret it!" says a Lacey-Chabert-looking girl holding a trumpet. Kaitlin laughs at this and says that she wasn't planning to go to the bake sale before, but she is now. Great plan, Band Geeks. I mean, just look at Kaitlin: obviously, that girl isn't eating cookies or cakes or much of anything. No way was she going to that bake sale before you guys promised it would be so awesome with the threat of violence and such.

Taylor returns to the hotel room saying she's sick of shopping. Henri suggests sex, but Taylor saw the same Dateline special we all did where they looked at hotel sheets and bathrooms with UV lights and found them covered in sperm and feces. So, no. "Oh, you Americans and your germs!" Henri scoffs. Yeah, well, at least we don't have rampant outbreaks of MRSA in our hospitals. Or at least, not as many as you do. I'm surprised when Henri actually gives Taylor Ryan's gift. I figured he would throw it away and not tell Taylor about it. He even says that the bear has a "sweet smile" and asks Taylor if it makes her feel anything. Taylor says it makes her feel "nothing" and throws it out. Not even appreciated? She should at least feel appreciated. She might also want to feel like crap, since she's kind of leading two guys on right now for no other reason than to feel desirable and loved.

Julie is super-thrilled to get a call from Kirsten, who coldly informs her that Chaz got the clap. "That's rough," Julie sympathizes. Enh, I doubt it's pleasant, but it's better than certain other STDs, like herpes or HIV. Julie says she'll drop the list of Chaz's clients off tomorrow, but that's not good enough for Kirsten: she wants Julie to tell the women about their potential STD herself. Julie reminds her that she no longer works at NewMatch, so this is no longer her problem. But she will agree to a compromise: if Kirsten drives, Julie will do the informing. Kirsten agrees to this obvious ploy to get them back together.

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The O.C.




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