The O.C.
The End’s Not Near, It’s Here

Episode Report Card
admin: C- | 3 USERS: B+
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Right Back Where We Started From

Sandy and Kirsten finally arrive in Berkeley. Sandy says "this is crazy," but Ryan says every city needs a public defender and Seth says that his sister deserves to grow up somewhere that isn't Newport. And I guess there's a market for dating services in Berkeley too, although no one mentions that since NewMatch is a joke and so is Kirsten's existence at this point.

The four ring the doorbell. The guys answer the door and are most disappointed to see Seth and Ryan back plus two more. They introduce themselves finally. Caterer is Todd, and the other guy is Patrick. Sandy gets started with the arm-twisting, but Kirsten interrupts to ask if the bathrooms are still in the same place. That's a good question, Kirsten. Often when people redecorate, they move the bathrooms around to different areas of the house. Just for fun! Anyway, she helps herself to their bathroom while Sandy asks if the "Seth Cohen Growth Chart" is still in the wall. Seth looks all excited about this, even though he's way too young to remember it. And yet, he says that he remembers the day he hit three feet, which makes him a very tall two-year-old. Really, is it too much to ask to have continuity in the same fucking episode? How do we remember to bring back the Caterer from four years ago but not what age Seth was when they moved out of the Berkeley house that was mentioned like ten minutes ago? Whatever. Todd and Patrick say they have things to do tonight, which you wouldn't know based on how quickly and eagerly they both answer the door every time it rings. Sandy says they'll be gone in a second, at which point Kirsten starts yelling for her husband. I think we all saw this coming.

Sandy runs into a bedroom, where Kirsten is sitting on the bed. Todd and Patrick follow and helpfully point out that this is not the bathroom. "I'm sorry, I didn't make it," Kirsten says. Yeah, at this point I would have called the police and gotten these people out of my house and life. Restraining orders would have been filed. How dare you demand to use my bathroom and then abuse my hospitality by taking a dump on my bedroom floor! Oh, but actually, Kirsten's water just broke. Which is a little better, I guess. Sandy yells for Seth to call an ambulance, but Kirsten says there's no time for that, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS. Fortunately, Patrick is a midwife. "Good, because this baby's coming now," Kirsten says. They could have at least made an effort to trap Kirsten in an elevator or something. For her to give birth so quickly that they don't have time for an ambulance is insane. Even that crazy lady who's given birth to like seventeen kids probably doesn't spit them out this quickly. I'll bet she's super-jealous of Kirsten and her apparently contraction-less labor.

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The O.C.

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