The O.C.
The Perfect Couple

Episode Report Card
admin: B | 2 USERS: A
The Lady Prevaricates

Kirsten raps on the door a couple of times and barges in without waiting for Ryan's response. She babbles, "Hey, Ryan, Sandy's stuck at the o-o-oh, my God!" Heh. Marissa immediately bolts upright as Kirsten continues, "I am so. Sorry!" Marissa grabs her shoes and makes as graceful an exit as is possible under the circumstances as Kirsten continues stammering her apologies. Ryan, meanwhile, draws his knees up to his chest, offering his foster mother an impenetrable look. Once Marissa's gone, Kirsten turns to Ryan and somewhat helplessly admits, "This never happened with Seth." Hee! And with that, we head into the opening credits.

Speaking of the credits, I wonder if Al Jolson's estate rakes in a couple of hundred bucks every time said credits air. This has got to be one of the most bizarre covers I've ever heard, and I'm including Ethel Merman's entire disco album in that statement.

Big House kitchen, the following morning. Sandy -- looking more haggard than usual, if that's possible -- practically squeals, "You walked in on them?" Kirsten grimly confirms this and, hoisting a mug of coffee to her lips, suggests that Sandy have a chat with the juvenile delinquent in the pool house. "About what?" Sandy asks. "You know," Kirsten prompts uncomfortably. "Sex." "Sounds like Ryan knows what he's doing," Sandy chuckles. "I mean [about] sex in the house," Kirsten amends. "Right, because we obviously don't believe in that," Sandy replies, segueing into a discussion of the bed death that has overrun their marriage since he took his new job. "Hey, I'm not the one coming home at midnight," Kirsten counters with a bit of a teasing grin on her face. "No, you're coming home at 11:45," Sandy retorts in kind. "Well, I might be coming home earlier if your firm wasn't suing my company," she bickers playfully. "Maybe we'll get lucky and settle at the conference tomorrow," he exposits. "Maybe we'll get lucky tonight," she smiles. "Eight?" Sandy makes an ehh noise. "Nine?" she asks. "Nine-thirty?" he offers. She sidles into a clinch to vow, "If you're not home by 10, I'm starting without you." They mack. There's a lot of that this evening, isn't there? This show's Carmex budget must be astronomical. Before Sandy can toss Kirsten's derriere onto the sink and bang her against the counter, Fatal Attraction-style, Ryan lopes into the room with an affable "Morning!" Sandy and Kirsten pull apart guiltily, and Sandy inexplicably states, "We're all very proud." Of what? Ryan nailing the forty-year-old bag of bones from the next house over? How inappropriate and bizarre. Ryan apologizes for last night's unauthorized antics, without getting into the specifics, as Seth wanders in from the hall. "Sorry about what, man?" he wonders. "What'd I miss?" The other three completely ignore him, Ryan continuing to mumble apologies while Kirsten whispers to Sandy, "Talk to him!" Sandy shrugs her off and exits for his office. "We should get going, too," Ryan says. "Hey, wait!" Seth pleads, bouncing around the kitchen like a hyperactive puppy. "I'm not going anywhere until someone tells me what happened last night! Mom?" Kirsten just raises her brows and bolts. "Oh, I get it," Seth sighs, defeated. "I'm just here for the comic relief." That's one way of looking at it, kiddo.

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The O.C.




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